Do young people have influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society?

*This is a TOEFL writing practice. Please help me correct my article. Thanks for helping me!! *
**The topic is: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole.**


I disagree with the statement that young people have no important influence that determines the future of our society as a whole for following reasons.

Firstly, young people can learn new knowledge much faster than the elderly. New knowledge and new technology would make our society better and also let us being more comfortable in our living space. Those influence the society we live in and thus we would have different policies for our newly society. Therefore, we will eventually need young people to make our society being better.
Secondly, the elderly will eventually retire and leave their position in the society. Young people would take their positions and make the important decisions about our society. It means that every pace we move would cause the movement of the whole society when entering the society gradually. The newly technology and newly knowledge let us being more comfortable and also make a better economy.
Last but not the least, I think everyone in our society has influence that determines the future of our society because we live together. We have rights to make a changes and express our opinions to help develop our country. No one can ignore another's voice because we are the same as a citizen of our society.

As a result, I think young people have great influence on determining the future of the society.

Hello Claire,

Interesting argument, with few grammar mistakes. It is nicely laid out and I just made a few modifications to make it better.

All the best

Bob

Can young people influence the important decisions that determine the future of society?

*This is a TOEFL writing practice. Please help me correct my article. Thanks for helping me!! *
**The topic is: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole.**


I think that young people do have an important influence on the future of our society for these reasons. Firstly, young people can learn faster than the old. New knowledge and technology make our society better and give us more comfort. This influences the society we live in and thus we would have different policies for our newly society. Therefore, we will eventually need young people to make our society being better.
Secondly, the elderly eventually retire and leave their position in society. Young people replace them and make the important decisions about our society. This means that every pace we move causes the movement of the whole society when entering the society gradually. New technology and new knowledge let us be more comfortable and richer.
Last but not least, I think everyone in our society can influence society's future because we live together. We have rights to make a change and express our opinions to help develop our country. No one can ignore another's voice because we each are citizens. Thus I think young people have great influence on determining the future of the society.