Correcciones · 4
Essay: How to help people who are homeless?
Hello everybody, I am trying to train my writing skills. Could someone please correct this essay?As a tourist or an inhabitant a native - in almost every big city around the world you see people who live on the streets. Some people help them by giving money to them. But is this really the best solution?
Firstly, in almost every western country there is the possibility to get (auch: "...of getting) financial support from the government if you cannot afford a flat on your own. Thus, theoretically, no one have has ("no one" ist im Singular, deswegen benutzt man "has" statt "have") to live on the streets. However, also in cities like London, Berlin or Paris exists the problem of homelessness (du benutzst all die richtigen Wörter hier - man muss die Wortstellung ein bisschen umordnen, sowie -> "However, the problem of homelessness also exists in cities like London, Berlin, or Paris" Wie du es geschrieben hast, ist nicht gerade so wie, "Oh mein Gott, wie falsch kann es sein!", es klingt bloß ein bisschen Deutsch =) ). The reason for this is often the desperation of the people. For instance, after a crisis in their lives, they just do not know where to get help. In this case it is supportive to talk with them and show them the possibility of government support.
In On the contrary, in the majority of the people, especially in developing countries, cannot use do not have this opportunity. That is why there are even more people who have to live on the streets. For them, money is decisive a deciding factor in whether they remain homeless or not. So, in particular tourists who give the people money of foreign currency can help a lot because of the often relatively low prices in the country.
But, as well as the people could use this money for food, clothes or even saving it for a flat, they could also spend it on drugs or alcohol. In a lot of cases the addiction is the initial reason why they are homeless.
In summary, you have to differentiate between people who are homeless in countries where a government support is available versus where where it is not. In the first case it is supportive to talk with the people and explain to them where to find help. In states in which homeless people cannot count on government support, it can be very helpful if you give them money, also even with the risk that they'll use it to buy drugs or alcohol.
Essay: How to help people who are homeless?
Hello everybody, I am trying to improve my writing skills. Could someone please correct this essay?As a tourist or an inhabitant/ a resident - in almost every big city around the world you see people who live on the streets. Some people help them by giving money to them. But is this really the best solution?
In almost every western country there is the possibility to get financial support from the government if you cannot afford a flat of your own. Theoretically, no one has to live on the streets. However, also in cities like London, Berlin or Paris exists the problem of homelessness. The reason for this is often the desperation of the homeless/unemployed/mentally ill. For instance after a crisis in their lives, they just do not know where to get help. In this case it is supportive to talk with them and show them the possibility of government support.
The majority of the homeless people especially in developing countries cannot use this opportunity. That is why there are even more people who have to live on the streets. For them lack of money is decisive whether they remain homeless or not. In particular tourists who give the rough sleepers money of foreign currency can help a lot because of the often relatively low prices in the country.
But this money may not be used for food, clothes or even saving it for a flat, they could also spend it on drugs or alcohol. In a lot of cases the addiction is the initial reason why they are homeless.
In summary, you have to differentiate between people who are homeless in countries where government support is available or in countries where it is not. It is more supportive to talk with these people and explain to them where to find help. In states where homeless people cannot count on government support, it can be very helpful if you give them money, that also carries the risk that they buy drugs or alcohol.
The blacked out sentence is duplication because you have already said,in almost every western country, so London and Paris would be implied in the previous sentences.
The desperation of the people is suggesting everybody is desperate and everybody becomes homeless.But the essay is only about homeless people living on the streets.
it is lack of money or having money that is decisive.
you have used so, thus, when we only say "so" in daily colloquially speech but not so often in writing. "Thus" may be a little old now.
I removed all the firstly etc, because there is not any secondary, also you used firstly twice, when the second firstly should have been secondly if choosing to write in such a style.
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