IELTS Writing: #1 Gap year after high school

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantage of both approaches.
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High school students may face have to make many decisions as they prepare to graduate including what they are going to study after graduation. (You are talking about pros and cons to both aproaches. So, do not say something that has no relation about it.)
Some high school students prefer to travel or work for some time before pursuing further education, while others do not take a gap year and directly enter a college or university. There are pros and cons to both approaches. (Generally speaking, this paragraph is fine.)

To save money, (so it is an advantage)the majority of young students and their parents believe that it is better to continue studying just after graduation. (You must add a "just", otherwise this paragraph seems to be nonsense, because the examer might not understand you are talking about.)
One of the reasons is that students will be able to start their career at the earliest earlier.
For example, if a student wishes to be a medical doctor, she or he (I guess you are female.) will have to take a course which normally takes she or he 6 years, excluding training time.
However, many of them will have to be on a full student loan because they have no saving for tuition fees..)  So, by continue studying imediately after her or his high school graduation, a student may save a lot of money, which is vital importance.(This paragraph, IMHO, should be reorganized to make your point more clear, and your logic more convincing.)

I'll check the rest of your essay later, because I have to go to bed now.

Your coherence and logic, as far as I know, will limit your grade. It is very difficult to understand what you are actully trying to argue. Your language skills are fairly adequate. 

IELTS Writing: #1 Gap year after high school

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantage of both approaches.
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High school students may face  many decisions as they prepare to graduate, including what they are going to study after graduation.
Some high school students prefer to travel or work for some time before pursuing further education, while others do not take a gap year and directly enter a college or university. There are pros and cons to both approaches.

The majority of young students and their parents believe that it is better to continue studying after graduation.
One of the reasons is that students will be able to start their career earlier.
For example, if a student wishes to be a medical doctor, he or she will have to take a course which normally takes 6 years excluding training time.
However, many of them will have to be on a full student loan because they have no savings for tuition fees.

On the other hand, some parents believe that young people should work to gain practical skills or travel to broaden their mind before taking up  tertiary education.
Students who have had  work experience in an office environment, may  find clerical duties boring and decide to become a teacher.
In fact, a survey taken in various universities has shown evidence that many first year students are uncertain about their academic interests and they often change their major subjects.
The only downside is that it will be difficult for some to commit to studying after a break.

In conclusion, young people should make their own decisions  about whether they continue studying or challenge other things before university.
Either way, it will be beneficial for them in their future.