“May I know why you think … “ When one question within another in this way, remove “do”. Also, “directions” should be plural.

You can also start #1 with something like, "Can you give me feedback on ...?" It's asking an open question and inviting dialogue. "May I know why...?" comes off as though you're trying to avoid hostility, and if there is no hostility, then ......????? So, something like "Can I get your input on....?" or "Could you tell me more about...?" makes it more of a request for information than questioning a decision.

Hi! You just need a few small corrections. 1. May I know why you think he is not fit for this position so that I can adjust the direction for sourcing talent? 2. Do any of our internal employees approach you and say that they are interested in this position?