Good job. You seem to be struggling a bit with articles though. Here a few things that might help you: 1) Specific identity is not known: Use the indefinite article “a” or “an” only with a singular countable noun whose specific identity is not known to the reader. Ex: I think there is an animal in that wood / That man is a hero. 2) Specific identity known: Use the definite article “the” with any noun (whether singular or plural, countable or uncountable) when the specific identity of the noun is known to the reader. Ex: The boy sitting next to me raised his hand 3) All things or things in general: do not use any article with plural countable nouns or any uncountable nouns used to mean all or in general. Ex: I don’t like coffee (coffee in general).

Well written Kanon. In your essay you refer to personal pronouns She and her. However we do not know who the person is. That is why I have written various options here. Also we need to use articles a/an/the. For a lesson on subject and object pronouns and articles please book a lesson with me. Using these grammar points will develop and take your English to the next level.