It's rainy today. Mom came home with another hand-me-down for me. It's a shoulder posture brace, kind of like the straps FBI agents wear in movies. Obviously, this one isn't for holding a gun, though!

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The Tim じぁん!!!

It's rainy today. Mom came home with another hand-me-down for me. It's a shoulder posture brace, kind of like the straps FBI agents wear in movies. Obviously, this one isn't for holding a gun, though! It's designed to help me sit up straighter when I'm writing. I tend to slouch a bit sometimes. Ideally, it would prevent me from hunching my back. But, it felt maybe too snug, even smothering. I can’t say I like it on me. Maybe that’s the reason why it’s become a hand-me-down, someone’s regretted buying it.

25 de jun. de 2024 12:02

Correcciones · 7

It's rainy today. Mom came home with another hand-me-down for me. It's a shoulder posture brace, kind of like the straps FBI agents wear in the movies. Obviously, this one isn't for holding a gun, though! It's designed to help me sit up straighter when I'm writing. I tend to slouch a bit sometimes. Ideally, it would prevent me from hunching my back. But it felt maybe too snug, even smothering. I can’t say I like it on me. Maybe that’s the reason why it’s become a hand-me-down: someone’s regretted buying it.

My changes are very small, and stylistic. This piece is very informal, but well written. The last three sentences especially sound like a native speaker said them, or wrote them in such a way as to represent real speech. For example, putting a comma after "but" is not entirely acceptable in standard writing. But in informal writing / a novel where the author is trying to represent normal speech patterns, this represents the pause we would often use. But, that's just my opinion ;)

25 de junio de 2024

It's rainy today. Mom came home with another hand-me-down for me. It's a shoulder posture brace, kind of like the straps FBI agents wear in movies. Obviously, this one isn't for holding a gun though! It's designed to help me sit up straighter when I'm writing. I tend to slouch a bit sometimes. Ideally, it would prevent me from hunching my back. But, it felt maybe too snug, even smothering. I can’t say I like it on me. Maybe that’s the reason why it’s become a hand-me-down, someone’s regretted buying it.

I think your parents are starting to over think things. Your English is great. Do they want you to win a Nobel prize or something?!!! 😂

25 de junio de 2024

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