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The government forbids hooking up with Italians no matter how sexy they are (Satirical news)
The following is an article's translation from a satirical online magazine.
https://www.elmundotoday.com/2020/03/el-gobierno-prohibe-durante-las-proximas-dos-semanas-liarse-con-italianos-por-muy-romanticos-sexys-y-guapos-que-sean/
The Spanish government forbids hooking up with Italians during the next two weeks no matter how romantic, sexy and smart they are.
“We must forget about their strong hugs, at least for now” the government advises.
Asking the population to make a huge effort “of contention”, the government has solicited to the Spanish citizens to try to ignore any romantic endeavour from the Italians and we must do everything we can to avoid falling to their complements and ending up surrender to their arms. “Their hair is wild and manly, but for now our relationship with them must be platonic, we must settle and imagine them in our deepest intimate dreams and that’s all”, said minister Maritxell Batet without being able to hold a sigh.
“No matter how romantic, sexy and handsome the Italians are, Spaniards must remain with their current partners, at least during the next weeks, no matter how difficult it seems”, said the spokesperson, informing about the government's prohibition of direct flights to Italy in order to avoid people acting crazy and making a trip to Rome following the love of their life.
At the eleventh hour, millions of Spaniards have locked themselves in their homes in order to listen to romantic Italian songs while their think about Filippo and his powerful chest. “E ritorno da te perche ancora ti voglio, e ritorno da te contro il vento che c’è, Io ritorno perche ho bisogno di te, ei respirare fuori da questa inquetudine”, citizens have declared.
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Relativpronomen. Könnte jemand das bitte korrigiren?
Sind die Relativpronomen richtig?
1.Ergänzen Sie im Nominativ:
1.Das ist der Mann, der mit meiner Tante verlobt ist.
2.Dieses Mädchen, das sehr gut malt,möchte Malerin werden.
3.Der Sportler,der viel trainiert, wird die Medaille gewinnen.
4.Das ist die Frau , die Mathe unterrichtet.
5.Das sind die Eltern von Martin , die in Köln arbeiten.
6.Das ist Peter,das mit Dieter Tennis spielt.
2.Ergänzen Sie im Akkusativ :
1.Herman Hesse hat das Buch geschrieben, das ich zur Zeit lese.
2.Mein Opa, den ich oft besuche,wohnt in Dresden.
3.Der Film, den Katja gesehen hat, war total langweilig.
4.Das ist die blaue Bluse, die ich gestern gekauft habe.
5.Das Heft, das ich verloren habe ist grün.
6.Das sind meine Freunde, die ich eingeladen habe.
3.Ergänzen Sie im Dativ:
1.Mein Freund , dem ich heute helfe,ist Gärtner von Beruf.
2.Rita, der ich mein Auto geliehen habe,fährt immer vorsichtig.
3.Torsten, dem seine Oma ein Märchen erzählt,ist 5Jahre alt.
4.Nora, der ich ein Kochbuch schenke,kocht gern.
5.Meine Geschwister , der.Fußball gefällt,gehen jeden Sonntag auf den Fußballplatz.
6.Linda, der Pizza schmeckt,ist dick.
4.Ergänzen Sie im Genitiv :
1.Mein Bruder , dessen Frau bei einer Firma arbeitet,hilft ihr oft.
2.Das ist mein Hund, dessen Haus im Garten ist.
3.Das ist Madonna, deren Fans begeistert sind.
4.Beate , deren Tasche gestohlen ist,ist nervös.
5.Das Auto, dessen Motor nicht funktioniert,muss repariert werden.
6.Meine Großeltern, deren Haus in München ist,möchten umziehen.
5.Was fehlt hier ?
1.In London, dem Kerstin wohnt,regnet es oft.
2.Die Frau , der mein Onkel verheiratet ist,kommt aus Spanien.
3.Das ist die Wohnung, die ich umziehen möchte.
4.Das ist meine Freundin,mit der ich am Samstag ins Theater gehe.
5.Meine Tante, bei der ich wohne, ist ganz lieb.
6.Ich fahre nach Italien,den Olga auch gefahren ist.
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A Kevin Bridges' anecdote transcription (Can someone correct it please?)
Even though most of the time I get the whole idea of what he's saying, I miss every other word. So I'm trying this until I get every word he's saying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEp5_IVLeUE
- Kevin, your dad… cause you started so young, your dad was really kind of important on your career.
- My dad. He used to drive me at the gigs cause I was too young to perform in the clubs so they would make…if as long as bring along parent which is pretty uncool. Having to bring an aluance/adult to, you’re underage to come on stage in these comedy clubs. And he used to drive me everywhere, all over Scotland.
- But you’ve been really nice. You’ve rewarded them handsomely. You gave your parents a lovely trip. Was it the Orient Express you sent them on?
- My dad has always having a thing for trains. He always wanted to go on the Orient Express. So for their anniversary a couple of years ago I got them the trip. And my dad is the only guy who’s ever missed the train. He got off at ____Station. He sent me a text and he’s used to talking to me on the phone while I’ve been on trains and going “Dad I’m on the train. The signal is pretty bad” so he presumes you can not send a text from a train. What I mean is I’m driving thoroughly across the country. So he gets off before the train is due to depart and starts sending me this quiet long text. Just going “Son, we’ve been winding down then gazing at the Tyrolean Mountains” He’s done the spell check on the Tyrolean…and I’m looking this text and I’m kind of feeling up…just going “Oh, he’s really having a good time” and then just goes “Shite!” and it’s been “The train has just left can you call me son?” It’s a wind-up. I’m in nord___. And then a text comes in “call me, son”. So I phone them and does the national ring tone and he’s gone “Oh! I’ve just got off to send that text. Your mom is on there. She has the passports, the wallet…” He’s going “I’m in these train Station” And I was going “You have to go to information and try to explain to somebody” And he goes “They don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t speak any German or English. So they just think it’s just an excited Scottish guy that’s seen the Orient Express just pointing”. And then eventually he’s explained what’s happened and he got on a taxi and they contact someone on the train___on a regional stop and my dad was on a high speed sorta chasing. He managed to catch the train and he got on and he got a standing ovation.
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Strasbourg court ratifies Ross and Rachel were not on a break -Translation from a satirical magazine
This time I think the article I've chosen to translate is too much for my limited skills. Please, if it's too messy to correct, at least let me know to whether anything makes sense or I've messed up so much that it makes no sense.
https://www.elmundotoday.com/2019/06/el-tribunal-de-estrasburgo-ratifica-que-ross-y-rachel-no-estaban-juntos-cuando-el-se-acosto-con-la-chica-de-la-fotocopiadora/
Strasbourg court ratifies Ross and Rachel were no longer together when he slept with the Copy girl
The sentence is subject to no appeal and obliges Rachel to be back together with Ross within a maximum period of three months.
The European Court of Human Rights acquits Ross unappealable on their verdict, published last afternoon, on behalf of the man’s alleged infidelity while he was “on a break” or “just in a fight” with Rachel. Seventeen judges from the Grand Chamber sentence on their statement “the de facto interruption of the couple’s life as such can and must be understood as a potentially definitive break which was given legitimacy to both parts to explore other emotional bonds, both temporary and definitive”. Nevertheless, the court states Ross’ decision to sleep with the Copy girl “can be subject of licit reproach by Rachel’s part, but it any case incurs in infidelity”.
The verdict constitutes a truly hard blow for the accusation and far from solving the controversy as intended, has lead Rachel’s lawyers to question the Grand Chamber’s objectivity, accusing judges of sexism and falling into “a simplistic analysis that doesn’t contemplate the subtleties inherent to a relationship between to people which go beyond any verbal agreement subscribed on moments of anger or twitching”.
The Grand Chamber’s decision shall be definitively admitted and a referral application would be only accepted “if the matter presents a major concern related to the interpretation or to the Agreement’s enforcement or any of its Protocols or a matter of a serious general nature”, as stipulated on said Agreement.
The verdict obliges Rachel to be back together with Ross within a maximum period of three months.
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Kevin Bridges' interview transcription
I love comedians like Kevin Bridges and Frankie Boyle and even though I can understand most of what they say, I'm always missing some words. So, this is my attempt of trying to understand every single word during a very easy-to-understand Kevin Bridges' interview.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKDgCTAOCM8
I ordered a bowl of soup in a hotel. A bowl. We don’t say the word “of” in Scotland. We cut that and it’s still on a bowl, it’s the way it’s taken. We say “a”, so you don’t say “a bowl of soup”, you say “a bowl soup”. And the waitress thought I ordered Ebola soup and it was… genuinely the panic…she’s gone “Ebola soup?” No, no! Just the f**king bruschetta ________.
So, it’s…and I’ve done a gig in America. I tried to crack America. I’ve done a fight in a gig and I just thought “f**k this” cause it was a gig… You did the obvious translations, you don’t go and you say “I’ve been smoking a fag”.
It’s like saying “having great craic” in Ireland.
Exactly and I’ve done a routine about being in a Christian rock festival and there was a sign saying, “a free toastie for all the God’s children”. And I thought if I am not a Christian, I’m not getting a toastie, that’s not very Christian…That was the joke. It never got any laughs. The woman in the front row goes “What’s a toastie?” And I am on stage having to explain…the gag just became a workshop I’m gonna…” A toastie is a sandwich. You put cheese, optional falling cheese and ham recommended” and she goes “Oh! A panini!” And then you just start an argument “That would be a f**king panini. I’m talking about a toastie” So, in America, it was a problem and for that particular reason…
But not so much here in Ireland
No, it’s alright you’re pretty good with the accent.
We are doing right with the accent.
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Top notch “Fariña” (Translation) - Spanish TV series recommendation (Part 2)
https://elpais.com/cultura/2018/03/01/television/1519861311_610233.html
I mentioned the actors before. Javier Rey, very well-known as Mateo in Velvet, changes completely with his take on the historical narc Sito Miñanco, the one the series focus on in order to show his evolution from his starts with his father’s fishing boats. With Rey, on the first episode, other great interpretations stand out: Antonio Durán Morris as Manuel Charlín and Manuel Lourenzo as Terito.
Fariña is a local story, very local, but with global ambition. A story that may resonate outside our borders. And a series that shows that if we want, a series like that can be broadcasted on prime time on a major mainstream channel, a series that doesn’t aim to conquer all audience spectrum (thank God! There is no concession to the obsession loads of Spanish series have of pleasing everyone, from children to grandparents), a series that treats the viewer as an intelligent being and a series that is really here to innovate. And if things go wrong, let them go wrong. But it’s going to go well, it has to go well. Spanish television deserves Fariña to do well, carallo!
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Top notch “Fariña” (Translation) - Spanish TV series recommendation (Part 1)
The following is a review's translation of a Spanish TV series about drug trafficking in the north of Spain
https://elpais.com/cultura/2018/03/01/television/1519861311_610233.html
The series based on Nacho Carretero’s book is a really good production, very well acted and with a Galician accent that couldn’t sound better on a national TV.
And out of the blue, the new Antena 3 TV series’ promotion was made by itself. Fariña’s kidnap, written by journalist Nacho Carretero, made its title to be pronounced everywhere, it made it current and the series the channel was filming based on the real history of narcotrafficker in Galicia during the ’80s got the best ad campaign they could never dream of. As fate would have it, the series has been able to take advantage of the situation.
To be honest and judging by the first episode, Fariña has a great value by itself, apart from this good luck that fate carried. A beginning full of rhythm hooks the audience to a story which proceeds with a good pulse, without decaying and with a Galician accent, rarely spoken on national TV, that I love to hear there. Because this is a story with Galician characters. Therefore, it must have Galician actors and a Galician accent. We can easily change Narcos' “hijueputa malparido” for Fariña’s “carallo” and the Colombian rain forest for the Ría de Arousa sights.
Behind the camera we can find Bambú productions, with Galician origins as well and this time they dare to leave the comfort zone they got used to during these last years (Velvet, Gran Hotel, Las chicas del cable, Tiempos de Guerra, each one of them cut from the same cloth) to enter and walk on thin ice, where they have managed to shine and they’ve dared trying new things. Even though sometimes an excessive use of light reflections can draw the audience out, the finished product is, as usual, impeccable.
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A real cup of coffee sneaks into a Starbucks (Translation from a satiral magazine)
https://www.elmundotoday.com/2019/05/un-vaso-de-cafe-de-verdad-se-cuela-en-un-starbucks/
A real cup of coffee sneaks into a Starbucks
“It totally takes me out of the Starbucks universe. What a mistake!” complain a client.
Scenes of confusion have been witnessed this morning at a Seattle Starbucks when a client detected the presence of a real cup of coffee hidden among the rest of regular products the brand offers. “This is coffee ¿What is it doing here? It takes me totally out from the Starbucks universe” a fan complained to the bartenders who didn’t know how to explain why there was a recently made black coffee.
“The bill says this coffee is only 1.50 $. It doesn’t make any sense. This doesn’t belong here” acknowledged one of the workers, smelling the cup and admitting “it smells like recently made coffee, this is coffee for coffee lovers”. The Firm has already apologised on social media and they don’t rule out the idea someone may have sneak that coffee that tastes like coffee into the establishment just in order to harm the company by breaking the coffee’s fiction with a real one.
“If they are going to start serving us ground coffee without milk or cream nor chocolate, they should warn us because we don’t like coffee. We like “Frapuccino”, “Spice latte” and all these things they’ve always had here. Can you imagine what could have happened if I take a sip by mistake? I can’t stand coffee” protested a lady at the establishment’s doors which have been closed until everything gets clarify.
That’s not all. Some witnesses assure, not far from this cup, on the floor, they could see “something like brown cockroaches, hard as a stone, those ones you see on coffee packages. I don’t know what they are, but it’s disgusting!”.
Pictures of the cup of coffee are already on social media. “Black coffee. Can you imagine it? What are we? Old people? I had to google it to figure out what that disgusting black liquid was” posted a teenager on Twitter who was laughing at the Starbucks “mistake”. “I can’t believe such a big company can make these mistakes. Next, they will be playing music as a background sound. I’m telling you” she added.
Starbucks insists on their commitment with offering beverages “whit just a touch of coffee”, whit huge amounts of sugar, excessively overheated and much more expensive than what a simple black coffee “with a disgusting coffee taste” is worth at any café for coffee lovers.
“Our coffee is 100% fiction” settled the firm this morning.
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Könnten Sie bitte meine Adjektivendungen korrigieren? Vielen Dank!
Der deutsche Student fuhr mit seinem spanischen Freund nach Paris.
Ein unfreundlicher Polizist hat mi reine falsche Auskinft gegeben.
Ich möchte ein kleines, nicht zu teures Zimmer mit fliessendem Wasser.
Unsere altes Auto nat vorne rechts einen neuen Reifen.
Dieser neuer Reifen ist von guter Qualität.
Ich habe seit langer Zeit kein interessantes Buch mehr gelesen.
Welcher guter Freund hat dir dieses schönes Geschenk mitbracht?
Er hat zu viel kaltes Wasser getrunken.
In dem preiswerten Restaurant gibt es leider nur wenig frisches Obst.
Ich war gestern mit einem alten Schulfreund und seinem jüngeren Bruder im Kino.
Ich ese gerne frisches Brot mit gesalzener Butter.
Ich trinke nur rotten Wein; weisser Wein schmeckt mir nicht.
Unsere linker Nachbar hat sein altes Haus mit weisser Farbe gestrichen.
Am späten Nachmittag ereignete sich ein schwerer Unfall.
Ein vollbesetzter Bus raste mit hoher Geschwindigkeit gegen einen Baum.
Kleine Kinder spielen gerne mit bunten Spielsachen.
Ich habe keine gute Neuigkeiten für Sie!
Ich höre gerne den interessanten Erzählungen alter Leute zu.
In Münster studieren viele koreanische Studenten.
Welche deutsche Städte haben Sie im vergangen Jahr besichtigt?
Meine türkischer Freund kümmert sich sehr gut mit seine alte Eltern.
Ich habe einige interessanten Artikel in der heutigen Zeitung gelesen.
Fast alle ausländische Studierenden müssen eine schwierige Aufnahmeprüfung machen.
Zwei neue Studentinnen sind in den Kurs gekommen.
Das Zweites Deutsches Fernsehen (ZDF) hat in den letzten Wochen mehrer spannenden englischen Kriminalfilme gezeigt.
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Wie ist mein Schlafzimmer eingerichtet?
Ich wohne bei meiner Eltern und mein Zimmer ist links am Ende des Flur. Als Kind habe ich mit meiner Schwester zwei Zimmers geteilt. Wir haben in einem Zimmer zusammen geschlafen und wir hatten das andere Zimmer für Spielen, Hausaufgaben machen, etc. Als zwölf Jahre alt war ich, meine Eltern haben uns die Zimmer aufteilen lassen. Deshalb habe ich das Bett meiner Schwester in das grosser Zimmer gebracht (sie hat das grosser Zimmer, weil sie nicht getrennt von mir wollte und ich allein sein wollte) und also habe ich einen Schreibtisch für mich in unser alten Schalfzimmer angebracht.
Zurzeit ist das mein Zimmer:
Mein Bett liegt neben dem Fenster und ich habe einen Kleiderschrank vor dem Bett. Dieser Kleiderschrank steckt in der Wand. Rechts meinem Bett gibt es ein Nachttisch. Es ist zwischen meinem Bett und einer kleinen geflochtenen Bank. Auf dem Tisch habe ich eine kleine Lampe. An der Wand and über dem Nachttisch und der Bank hängen viel Bilder aus meine Familie und meine Freunde. Neben der Bank steht ein Möbelstück mit fünf Regale. Viele Bücher steckt in dem Möbelstück und steht auf den Regale. Ich habe auch einen Spiegel, einen Schubladenschrank, einen Garderonbenständer und einen Schreibtisch. Der Spiegel, der Garderonbenständer und der Schubladenschrank stehen neben der gleiche Wand wo dem Kleiderschrank ist. Und der Schreibtisch steht links der Tür und rechts den Regale.
15 de noviembre de 2018
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