The English native speaker and I In Ray Bradbury's "The Martian Chronicles", there is an encounter between a human and a Martian. In the words of Wikipedia, "Each can see the Mars he is accustomed to, in his own time frame, but the other person is translucent and intangible to him and has the appearance of a phantom." It reminds me of the situation between me and the English native speaker seen as a single entity. When something tastes sour to me, to the English native speaker it will taste sweet. When I perceive the color of an object as blue, the English native speaker will perceive it as red. Me and the English native speaker could actually physically share the same place, be sitting on the same stool. It doesn't matter which race, gender or age the English native speaker is; it could be a Canadian actuary, a priest from Cameroon or an elementary student from Malta. I am quite sure that in the not too distant future me and the English native speaker will lose the ability to grasp the very concept of each other. We will be unable to understand each other's existence because we will no longer be able to imagine it. Isn't life just beautiful?

Grand Theft Auto Tröchtelborn Podunk Examiner, 20 January 2019 By Trisha Wacko Rockstar Games today announced the latest addition to the Grand Theft Auto series, GTA Tröchtelborn. Known as the crime capital of the world, the 306 inhabitants village of Tröchtelborn, which is situated in the very heart of the German state Thuringia, has surprisingly not yet been used as a setting for a grand-scale video game. Several well-known game sites and magazines like PC Gamer, GameSpot, and Giant Bomb have reacted enthusiastically to the fresh impulses the game promises to deliver. The writers for GTA Tröchtelborn, Sam and Dan Houser, have said that the new title will include nerve-wracking missions like taking part in the annual meeting of the small animal breeders association or auditing the book-keeping of the volunteer fire department. Several professional gamers, for example Jerry 'EGM' Lundqvist and Jung "Mvp" Jong Hyun, estimate that the forthcoming title will be one of the most challenging exercises even for hardcore gamers, and have announced that they will likely start preparing for it months before its release. Outside the gaming world the band Nickelback has also reacted to the news, writing in a tweet that they are now considering playing also in Tröchtelborn, but that they are still busy trying to find the village in Google Maps.

Mr Winterbottom Doesn't Want to Get Married Mr Winterbottom is now well beyond the age of 30 and still not married. His two younger sisters have lost their patience; according to them by staying single Mr Winterbottom damages his family's reputation. But Mr Winterbottom does not feel ready to get married yet, and besides that, he currently has no girlfriend and he doesn't know of a woman who would marry him. His sisters insist that this is irrelevant and that they will arrange a marriage for him. A couple of minutes later Laura, Mr Winterbottom's youngest sister, takes a photo of her brother for dating sites. Easier said than done since Mr Winterbottom is just sulking and not very cooperative. Meanwhile, Janice, his other sister, is writing a profile text. That can't be left to her brother, who would subconsciously sabotage everything for sure. After two hours, everything is set for now. Mr Winterbottom has to hand in a written report about his progress to his sisters. Daily. A couple of months later. Finally, Mr Winterbottom is getting married. During each first date, which usually took place in a café, Mr Winterbottom's sisters were present nearby, sitting at different tables and writing down notes. Arranging the marriage took longer than expected since a couple of times the sisters could not agree on the worthiness of the candidate. But they finally agreed on Sarah Butler, 32, a mineralogist who makes a somewhat staid but otherwise dependable and trustworthy impression. At the registry office, Mr Winterbottom has each of his sisters standing either to the right or left of him, both holding shotguns in their hands. The sisters even took a weapons training at a secret shooting range of a LibDem splinter group that is currently training for a violent takeover of power in Britain. It's done. Mr Winterbottom is now married. As for children, well, that's another story. (This text uses BE, so no dot after Mr)

Van Coke-ruimtetuig suksesvol in Vredenburg geland Oudtshoorn Courant, 8 Oktober 2028 Die vanmôre om elfuur vanaf Oudtshoorn gelanseerde ruimtetuig "Van Coke" het vanmiddag sukselvol om eenuur in Vredenburg geland. Vanuit die ruimetuig het sommige minute later die verkenningstuig "Jack Parrow" afregol, wat nou Vredenburg en sy inwoners sou ondersoek. Die landing is in die Oudtshoorn se beheersentrum met groot blydskap geregistreer. Na die binnekoms van die eerste foto's het die wetenskaplikes in die beheersentrum in 'n gejuig uitgebreek. Projekleier Annie Du Plessis: "Eindelik kry ons 'n insig in 'n vreemde en boeiende wêreld! Ons verwag asemberowende navorsingsresultate, die ons 'n volkome nuwe kennis sal verskaf." Ook die musieksterre Francois van Coke en Jack Parrow, wat die projek met elkeen 800 miljoen rand gefinansier het en na wie die tuige genoem is, het met groot tevredenheid gereageer. Hulle wil nou saam 'n album opneem, wat die missie as onderwerp het. Die groot ruimtevaartorganisasies NASA, ESA, CNSA, JAXA en FSA/Roskosmos het gelukgewens. Die South African National Space Agency was nog daarmee besig om Starcraft 4 te speel, maar het ’n belofte gedoen om na die eind van die toernooi formele gelukwensinge te stuur. Vredenburg het kort na die landing angekondig 'n ruimtetuig na Oudtshoorn te send. Die planne is dat 2039 'n ruimgetuig met die naam "Kurt Darren" met 'n verkenningstuig "Karen Zoid" sal start.

Het ons 'n Stan Kenton of Gene Krupa vir die 24ste eeu nodig? Universiteit Stellenbosch, 3 September 1971. Prof. Marius Combrinck beëindig sy sosiologieseminaar. "Het u nog enige vrae?" Anri Lourens, 'n student afkomstig van Swellendam, steek die hand op. "Ja?" "Het ons 'n Stan Kenton of Gene Krupa vir die 24ste eeu nodig? 'n Groepleier, wat tergelyk dinamies en innoverend is en met sy stylbewussyn en aantreklikheid die vroue kan betower?" Die studente fluister vir mekaar, dit skyn 'n elementêre en kontroversiële vraag te wees. Prof. Combrinck dink 'n korte moment na. "Ja, ek dink dat so 'n groepleier vir daardie eeu absoluut noodsaaklik is. Die mensdom sal oor die hele sonnestelsel versprei wees en verbindende gemeensaamhede nodig het. En kuns en kultuur sonder enige boegbeelde vir beide manne en vroue werk nie, dit is bewys. Vir die vroue moet hierdie sterre natuurlik netjies wees. By 'n dans ver van die Aarde, byvoorbeeld op een van Saturnus se satelliete, moet 'n goeie organisasie, determinasie en aanhouvermoë agter die skerms oorheers. Hierdie eienskappe moet ook van die leier en sy orkes geinternaliseer en tydens die vertoning opgeroep word. Maar dit alles moet met spontaneïteit, entoesiasme en vuur verbind word. En daarvoor is leiers, wat die karaktertrekke van Kenton en Krupa met mekaar verbind, volkome onontbeerlik." Anri en die andere studente knik en apploudiseer. Dit was soos altyd 'n besielend seminaar. Twee dae later, tydens prof. Combrinck na sy erediens ry, wens hy dat hy gou met vakansie in die nuwe Disney World sal wees. Hy kan die hele gewawel nie meer verdra nie.

Herstigte Republiek Stellaland verower die Wes-Vlaamse Republiek Die Burger, 29 Augustus 2049 Die Herstigte Republiek Stellaland het vandag in 'n verrassingsaanval die Wes-Vlaamse Republiek beset en geannekseer. Meer as 100 000 soldate het aan hierdie gekombineerde operasie van Stellaland se see- en lugmag deelgeneem. Die Wes-Vlaamse leër was so verras dat slegs 'n ongekoördineerde en plaaslike weerstand moontlik was. Die NAVO, van wie Wes-Vlaandere 'n lid was, het geweier om bystand te gee; volgens die Sekretaris-generaal Mario Funghi het die NAVO "nie lus gehad“ om integryp nie, en die anneksasie sou vir Wes-Vlaandere en Stellaland "die beste wees". 'n Motief vir die inaktiwiteit van die NAVO was volgens Funghi ook dat dit nou waarskynlik eenvoudiger sou wees om in Europa biltong te koop. Wes-Vlaandere is nou 'n nuwe provinsie van Stellaland met die naam Stellaland-Noord. In 'n toespraak het die Herstigte Republiek Stellaland se president, Francois van Coke, verklaar: "Ons is weer één volk! Slegs verenig is ons 'n mag wat kan aanhou!" Afrikaans het nou Nederlands in Stellaland-Noord as amptelike taal vervang, want volgens president van Coke is dat "'n noodsaaklike aksie om ons beide volke geestelik te verenig." Van nou af geld ook in Stellaland-Noord linkerkantse verkeer, maar die nuwe provinsie het sy eie volkslied gekry: "Kyk Noord" van Fokofpolisiekar, die band van wie van Coke lank gelede sanger was.