Daily life I will hold tight and try to resolve this issue for my motivation rather than letting it go. There is no reason it should be given up all my expectation by reason that it's already irreversible and difficult to cope with. Would you regret later or mitigate the risk of the problem now? Lost everything I used to consider as something precious because of my idiotic behaviour. It indicates that my spiritual life was just meh and my state of mind is not ready to properly manage/welcome unexpected obstacles at all. Really need to be born again.....