Nico
Treason I wrote a mini story, after a long time. I would like to know how can I improve my writing and make it more natural. Thank you in advance! He is Tom. He is 30 years old. He was working as the head of the accounting department. He had woken up happily as always. He ate the breakfast, took his kids to the primary school and then he went to his job. He had been working at his work for 10 years. It must be a day like other, but the future had other plans for him. He got to his work and greeted everyone as always. At noon lunched the food that his wife prepared for him. He was going to his desk, when Mr.Powell called him. Mr.Powell said to Tom that it was going to be his last day there. There was a big issue in the company accounts, and a large amount of money was transferred to a third party account. He was the responsible for the problem. He didn’t do anything but one of his best friend and subordinate, Sam White did. Sam White didn’t go to the work that day. Tom knew that Sam had some financial problems, but He never thought that Sam will be able to do something like this. Tom tried to explain to his boss, Mr. Powell that he had nothing to do with this problem, but Mr. Powell had already taken the decision to fire Tom, no matter what Tom said. It was raining when Tom left his job. He went to the square where he usually spent his break time to relax. He sat on the trunk of a tree and He started to cry. It wasn’t because He was fired from his job. He was sad and disappointed because his friend Sam betrayed him. Nobody saw Sam ever again.
2020年5月8日 23:37
訂正 · 3
1
Treason

I wrote a mini story, after a long time. I would like to know how can I improve my writing and make it more natural. Thank you in advance!

His name is Tom. He is 30 years old. He was working as the head of the accounting department and had woken up happily as always. He ate breakfast, took his kids to primary school and then he went to work. He had been working there for 10 years. It should have been a day like other, but the future had other plans for him.
He got to work and greeted everyone as always. At noon he ate the lunch that his wife had prepared for him. Afterwards, he was going to his desk, when Mr.Powell called him. Mr.Powell said to Tom that it was going to be his last day there. There was a big issue in the company accounts, and a large amount of money had been transferred to a third party account. He said that Tom was the responsible for the problem. He hadn't done anything but one of his best friend and subordinate, Sam White had.
Sam White didn’t go to work that day. Tom knew that Sam had some financial problems, but he never thought that Sam would be able to do something like this. Tom tried to explain to his boss, Mr. Powell, that he had nothing to do with this, but Mr. Powell had made taken the decision to fire Tom, no matter what Tom said.
It was raining when Tom left his job. He went to the square where he usually spent his break time to relax. He sat on the trunk of a tree and started to cry. It wasn’t because he was fired from his job. He was sad and disappointed because his friend Sam had betrayed him. Nobody saw Sam ever again.


Great story!
2020年5月9日
Muy bien hecho :) Hice algunas correcciones pero más que nada fluye bien.

<em>This</em> is Tom. He is 30 years old. He <em>used to work</em> as the head of the accounting department {for which company? I would include more context}. He had woken up happy as always. He ate breakfast, took his kids to school and then went to his job. He had been working at his work for 10 years. It <em>seemed to</em> be a day like <em>any </em>other, but the future had other plans for him.
He got to his work and greeted everyone as always. At noon <em>he had the lunch</em> that his wife prepared for him. He was going <em>back </em>to his desk, when <em>his boss, </em>Mr. Powell, called him. Mr. Powell said to Tom that it was going to be his last day there. There was a big issue in the company accounts, and a large amount of money was transferred to a third party account. <em>Mr. Powell believed that Tom</em> was responsible for the problem. <em>Tom knew he</em> didn’t do anything, but <em>suspected that </em>one of his best friends and subordinate, Sam White, did.
Sam White <em>hadn't gone to</em> work that day. Tom knew that Sam had some financial problems, but he never thought that Sam <em>would</em> be able to do something like this. Tom tried to explain to his boss that he had nothing to do with this problem, but Mr. Powell had already <em>made</em> the decision to fire Tom, no matter what <em>he</em> said.
It was raining when Tom left his job. He went to the square where he usually spent his break to relax. He sat <em>under</em> a tree and started to cry. It wasn’t because he was fired from his job. He was sad and disappointed because his friend Sam betrayed him. Nobody saw Sam ever again.
2020年7月23日
もっと早く上達したいですか?
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