Extract

Among all the prisons of France, I found Fontrevrault prison to be the most foreboding. It left me with the strongest impression of anguish and loneliness, and I know that those prisoners who have experienced other prisons feel, merely upon hearing its name, an emotion, a pain, similar to mine. I cannot, and will not, try to explain or dispel the essence of its power upon us. It does not matter if it comes it from its name, from its walls, from its ivy, from the passage of its convicts leaving to Cayenne, from its prisoners being meaner than elsewhere, from the entirety of its sordid past, or whatever. Regardless, for me, another strange reason for its attraction is simply that this location used to be the setting of many of our naïve childhood dreams.

Hi, Chris-Hubert. Good job! Whatever changes I made were to allow your sentences to sound more natural to my native ears, to complete your thoughts, and for ease of readings. Sincerest apologies if I have misinterpreted! I hope that this helps you. J.

Personally, I found your composition almost poetic, especially the last sentence. However, I found it hard to leave the word “sanctuary” (a place of safety or refuge) within it, as it seems so distant from the ideal of a prison, let alone an infamous one (but granted, children do come up with some strange concepts…).. Similarly, I could not determine how you were using the word “aspect” since I simply did not see the connection, and thus, omitted it. Finally, anytime that I hear of a French prison (or penal colony), I think of the book (and movie), Papillon! (*-^)

P.S. If this is but an extract, I would not mind reading the entire composition...