Does this text sound natural?
Hi Guys,

I am still working on that translation I mentioned yesterday..
can anyone check this text, if it is ok?

thank you very much :)

Carefully developed in the brand’s laboratory, luxurious Cuccio Naturale SPA products provide optimal hydration for 24 hours - no wonder the brand is an ultimate favourite with spas and wellness salons. Giving your skin the tender loving care it deserves, they help to create complete harmony between body and soul. After the heavenly treatment you will feel the result: a brand new you - relaxed and totally refreshed.

Question

Does this text sound natural?
Hi Guys,

I am still working on that translation I mentioned yesterday..
can anyone check this text, if it is ok?

thank you very much :)

Carefully developed in the brand’s laboratory, luxurious Cuccio Naturale SPA products provide optimal hydration for 24 hours - no wonder the brand is an ultimate favourite with spas and wellness salons. Giving your skin the tender loving care it deserves, they help to create complete harmony between body and soul. After the heavenly treatment you will feel the result: a brand new you - relaxed and totally refreshed.

Answer

hi Guys :) thanks for both of you , I will definitely take your advice!

Answer

I back the observation made by Jenny M.  Something else like "our products", or "our luxurious products" is needed than "they".  Advertising descriptions aim to be inclusive in its language, to attract your attention and include you.  "our products" is persuasive because you feel like you are sharing the products of the company with the consumer.

Answer

The ‘they’ in this part “... deserves, they help to...” is a little unclear. Perhaps “our products” would work better, e.g “... deserves, our products help to...”

回答 · 3

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