Have you ever felt it? ( chapter 1 ) Have you ever felt it? That feeling that you are falling in free fall. I do not know, if I fell or if someone pushed me, I only know that I am falling. How did all this start? I do not know, the one that does not remember it does not mean that it does not have a beginning, it has it !, it's just that the cumulative of years and empty experiences have accumulated like the dust specks in a corner. and they do not allow me remember. And the corner in which that pile of dust is accumulated is my brain, that gray and slimy organ that is supposed to help me protect,filtering and ordering information is atrophied and confused by all that dust. And it does not let me remember anything. And here I am at 12:21 a.m sitting on my bed in the dark listening to the bustle of the streets and the snoring of the neighbor that filters through the walls. Another night trying to remember when I started to fall in free fall. I have never done skydiving or anything similar, however every day at fall the sun ,and when I turn off the lights and say good night, I have the feeling that I throw myself of 5000 meters high, without a parachute. Nothing to stop me, nothing to save me and even so the fall does not reach its end. And after many sleepless nights and to come and go in a swing inconclusive conclusions and advice never taken I have realized that tonight I will not have the answer either. And if I did not fall? And if they did not push me? And if I actually stumbled? When it was? And if I'm not falling and I'm really going up ?, These and many more questions are in my head, I do not know why I only ask questions without answers, they appear out of nowhere it's as if I attracted them like honey to bees. And that buzz that I can not stop listening to, irritating annoying and at the same time so familiar That buzzing gets louder, my brain will explode, and as if a lightning strike through me, I feel pain. I open my eyes, why do I open my eyes? if I haved them open, When did I close them? I see around me I am in the middle of nowhere in a puddle of water soaked, I try to get up and finally locate the source of the pain. And then as if a waterfall cascades down on me, I remember everything! I'm not at home. Was not at home. And I'm not in a puddle of water. To be continue …

My beautiful lady!!! (A page was asking for a composition about the city in which you live. I was inspired and wrote and when I was going to send it only I gave space for 200 characters (TT_TT). What do you suppose I do with all this? !! (> w <) ...). Tijuana is a beautiful lady and as every lady, she has her changes .  Those changes that sometimes kill us with a cold kiss, which soak us with sweat on warm June afternoons, and fill us with nostalgia and take our sorrows with the winds of Santa Ana. Yes !, Tijuana is a lady, full of colors and flavors that make drunk to everyone who goes through it. It seduces one or the other preventing it from leaving and becomes a memory without forgetting for those who leave.   My beautiful lady, warm and cold in each bed. Sweet and faithful to everyone who wants to create and spend a beautiful evening. Always happy and helpful my beautiful Tijuana, was born with open arms because for her there is no discrimination or fear accepts and loves everyone without comparison.   My beautiful lady, with you I want to spend my January mornings, my July afternoons and my winter nights.  My beautiful Tijuana in you I want to write my story, found my memories and create my home. Because you are my beautiful lady, my Tijuana.

Oh !!!! Surprise I get the quote After studying and reviewing again and again I come to the conclusion that I can not learn alone. I start with all the desire of the world and after a couple of weeks I start to decline. Mmm study tomorrow ... and tomorrow comes and I do everything except, I promised myself I start on Monday again ... And it arrives on Monday. and every Monday or the hens put, pretexts and more pretexts, why not pay for pretexts if they did I would be a millionaire, I think I would even have my own country and I would be the queen. The queen pretexts. Very tired of herself and my pretexts I made the decision, that if I really had to learn I had to be forced. So I would move to a country where only English was spoken where, in order to study, work and socialize, I would only have to speak English. Well, the only way for a fish to learn to swim is in the water. So I would throw myself into the water, it was all or nothing, I learned to speak English or I would drown. I started looking for information, making calls and asking for quotes all that while hurrying to my bags because my imagination was already flying. I was already in Ireland I had made the decision and nothing and no one would change it. When suddenly there is a message in my inbox. Oh !!!! Surprise I get the quote. I NEED TO SELL A KIDNEY TO PAY THAT !!! Jajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaja You know some organ dealers, hahahaha, I do not suppose not, and even if you knew him, I would not want to know him. That's where my determination came Goodbye to my dream jajajajajajaja that hard hits reality. And as I write these lines I wonder if it is really the price so expensive that prevents me from continuing with the fantasy or is that mania that I have to put pretexts to life.

I am living the worst nightmare of my life and I do not know how to wake up or when it started.(2) The bastard smiles and extends his hand to me as if he really likes me and with a fake smile he makes me a promise that never fulfills "we call you". What he does not know is that during the time I studied at the university to finish the degree I did not attend any party, that I spent weeks preparing for the subjects that I knew worked, that keeps me awake until 3 in the morning to be able to finish the tasks because the next day I had to go to work to be able to pay the race for a full shift of 8hrs standing in a factory where my boss would get behind me to give me pressure and work more quickly, but support because I always thought that crops what you sow and I was planting so I just had to put up with a little more. And there is another interview and another false smile accompanied by another promise that never fulfills "we call you". What he does not know is that I have been looking for work for months, that I have read almost all the pages that give advice on how to find a job, that I have searched all the job boards, that my CV has been made and remade, so many times I have a folder with more 6 versions. I am exhausted by the positivism that there are days that I eat my nails until I can not but anguish, anxiety and uncertainty grow along with my debts. What he does not know what it is with every false smile accompanied by another promise that never complies with " we will call you ", tightens a little more the knot that there is that neck and that the nights drowns me more and more.

I am living the worst nightmare of my life and I do not know how to wake up or when it started.(1) I am living the worst nightmare of my life and I do not know how to wake up or when it started.(1) I thought I had everything arranged everything was in place and calculated, I did elementary, high school and preparatory all without errors there were no hesitations or mistakes there were no excellent or commemorations but there was no mistake. They will be able to say if there were no excellent or failures then it is of that the typical history of an average and mediocre student. But no, every 8, every 6 and every 9 that I took was because I studied hours, review again and again not only to memorize but also to understand . And when I started college there were many times when I wanted to resign and send everything fly , know that the industrial engineering career is not as difficult as the mathematical physicist, nor as complicated as a programmer but for me it was like climbing in Mount Everest and still I tried every day and every minute of those days and finally I finished it. I'm not an expert because the practice time offered by our university is a joke but I managed to learn more than many know, but I have been a year and four months and can not find a job, I lost the CV account sent, the amount of interview I attended, I'm not even looking for as an engineer I'm looking for a practitioner and still manage to get any detail to say "no" and English is the peak of my nightmare when they do not find more than ask English "Give us something in English" as if it were one of those circus animals that do tricks, but what the hell I say. I do not speak it, I do not write it or understand it fluently but I am sure that one who could do the idiot that is in front of me does not care because he is only looking for a detail in me to say "NO". I tell you the truth I do not master it but I can read it, understand it and speak it. I'm still learning but that is not enough for them.