How to Breathe Properly (with Transcript)

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Teacher Joseph's Podcast

How to Breathe Properly (with Transcript)

“And if those trespassers make a move for their rifles, get out of there quick fast!” said Tom as a 
final word of caution to his loyal subordinates. 

At that moment, Tom was startled by a loud SLAM. An unknown figure wrapped in multi-coloured plastic had dropped from the sky and landed right in front of him. The figure groaned as it struggled to breathe. The figure unwrapped itself and came face to face with a giant 15ft alligator. 

“ARRGGHHH!” screamed the skydiver. But his scream shifted to a groan. He winced in pain, grabbing his right arm – possibly a broken bone or dislocated joint. The skydiver got to his knees and begun backing away. 

“Please… Please! Don’t eat me!” cried the skydiver. But Tom the giant alligator was disinterested in eating the injured animal. “Name yourself, human,” said Tom. But all the skydiver perceived was a deadly growl. The skydiver couldn’t comprehend that the 
monster was trying to communicate with him. 

Seeing terror in the skydiver’s eyes, Tom tried to de-escalate the situation. “I am the great Tom. I preside over these lowlands. Simply identify yourself, human, and you will leave with your life. But if you are a poacher—” THUD! The skydiver had snatched the nearest rock, a good-sized one, the size of a bowling ball, and hurled it at the monster’s head. It struck like a sledgehammer on the alligator’s snout. With a momentary distraction, the skydiver limped away into the tall grass. Tom felt a flame of anger ignite in his reptilian brain. His instincts kicked in and he charged for the human. It was as easy as catching up to a crawling baby. Tom WHACKED the limping man across the face with the mighty power of his dragon-like tail. 

After the jaw-breaking blow, the last thing the skydiver saw was the horrific sight of dark
yellow eyes staring into his. “That wasn’t very nice…” said Tom to the unconscious body. “Did you think I wanted to eat you? I have no taste for human flesh or blood. I’m a pescetarian, for crying out loud!”

Being a Cloud

Tom the Crocodile

This story uses words from '2000 Most Common Words in English'. 

It’s five in the evening and the sun is slowly going down. The sky is a warm yellow colour. 

John is a bundle of pasta. He is held together by a paper band. He is sitting on his roof with his 
acoustic guitar on his lap. In front of him is a pen and notepad. 

Ah yes, thinks John. I’ll use an A chord here. That will make the melody so beautiful. 

The bundle of pasta is writing a love song for his dear wife Karren. She is a bowl of Pho. 

John plays his composition and imagines his wife crying because his song is so touching. He sings about the day he met Karren, about how they fell in love, about how they complete each other. 

Suddenly, John stops playing. He takes his notepad, crosses out some words and scribbles some notes. He has a great idea.
 
The day you found me
I was flying blind
Now I see the light
I’m willing to fight
For you

John is happy with his new lyrics. He takes his guitar again and plays his love song from the 
beginning. Then, he hears a beautiful sound. But it’s not coming from his guitar. It’s coming from inside the house. It’s his amazing, lovely wife calling his name. 

John the Bowl of Pasta

This story uses words from '4000 most common English words'

Zara is dragging Bobby into the market. He is like a stubborn little boy. Her eyes are beaming with enthusiasm and his are downcast with despair. 

The market is out of this world! There are countless numbers of things Zara has never seen before. 

As the two friends walk down the street, Zara points at everything in amazement while Bobby  dismisses them as boring and ordinary. 

Arriving at a food stall, Zara wants to experience everything. “And what are these fragrant things?” 

“Those are herbs…” 

“And this spicy thing?”

“Garlic… umm, where are you from?” 

“And what about this? It looks like the roots of a plant!” 

“That’s ginger, and, yes, they are the roots. Are you from outside of China?”

Zara is overwhelmed with positive emotion and disregards Bobby’s questions. 

The two friends arrive at an animal stall. It has horses, cows, chickens and pigs for sale. Zara touches all the animals, smelling and patting them. “These creatures are beautiful!” 

But Bobby doesn’t get it. He’s never met someone so strange in his life. He’s actually starting to feel irritated by Zara’s joy.

“Look, I have to get going soon… You know, my important task. So, is there anything I can do for you?” 

Zara stuffs a sugar-coated figurine into Bobby’s mouth. “Try this!” 

Bobby reluctantly chews and a little smile appears on his face. But then it disappears and he looks annoyed.

Zara runs off down the street, touching all the lovely silks and picking up all the metal tools. 

Bobby thinks, who does she think she is?

Zara the Mayfly

This story is made from '2000 most common words in English'

The owner spoke, as if he was a host on a TV cooking show. 

“Both these dishes are mighty fine, and soon it will be revealed which will take the title of World’s Best Main Meal.” 

The owner prepared his chopsticks and reached to pick up Little Ball. But then, a mysterious noise sounded, a kind of ring-ring. 

“Ugh, what is it now?” groaned the owner as he returned to the living room. 

Little Ball turned to the serving of shredded, dried kelp. “Did you hear that? World’s Best! That’s us. You’ve got no chance at winning the title.” 

Dried Kelp, who hadn’t made a sound or a movement until now, slowly came to life and said, 
“Whatever, dude, titles are for books…” 

Little Ball whispered to its 5-piece family, “Pfffft, did you hear that? I know Dried Kelp secretly wants the title and we can’t let it win. If it does, then the owner will look down on us, and shame us, and never buy us ever again. We will bring shame to all the unborn octopus balls. No. I won’t allow it. Dried Kelp is the side dish and we’re the main dish.” 

Raising its voice to an intimidating roar, Little Ball, with all of its power, said, “We’re six large balls, but you’re only a few dozen little strips. Good luck beating us!” 

Dried Kelp took a moment to think. “It’s not the amount of pieces that’s important; It’s the owner’s experience that truly matters.” 

Little Ball was confused. Did Dried Kelp just prove my point? We’re less in numbers, but far superior, thought the bite-sized mashed octopus ball. “Exactly, pieces don’t matter—it’s about flavor! And you’re bland!” 

Dried Kelp seemed insulted, or so Little Ball thought. 

Little Ball the Octopus Ball 

Jennifer goes on an investigation to find out the truth. Did Junior really steal his award-winning design or has Jennifer lost her mind?

This story uses words from '3000 most common words in English'. 


When Jennifer got home that day, she called her grandma. They caught up on the essentials: the move to the new city, the teachers at her school and if she liked her new bedroom. But then Jennifer got down to business.

She explained how this guy called Junior won a gardening award for most innovative design, being the youngest winner in the ceremony’s history. Jennifer’s grandma was supportive of this boy, the way grandparents are always supportive of any accomplishment, big or small. But Jennifer insisted that he was treated like an otherworldly superstar and that it didn’t seem right. 

Jennifer finally just said it. “I think Junior violated the competition rules by copying someone’s design, but I can’t prove it.”

“Oh, my dear, that’s cute, you’ve always loved coming up with adorable little theories. Do you 
remember your friend, Samantha? You two were always playing detectives. Sometimes I see her—”

“—Yes, grandma, but could you help? Take a photo of your neighbour’s garden, please. I think Junior copied her design.”

“Oh, sure thing, dear, I’ll take it after our call and send it straight away. So, tell me more about your new friends…”

Jennifer ended the call by ranting about the truth and how when people manipulate reality, they distort our ability to be authentic individuals. Her grandma kept repeating that’s sweet, dear.

Moments after the call ended, Jennifer received the photo. She compared it to Junior’s. They were identical.

Jennifer the Tomato

This story uses words from '1000 most common words in English'. 


The morning comes quickly because Lemon has slept like a rock. He wakes up remembering his dream: an effortless glide through golden gates guided by angles and eagles.

“Mum, dad, I need to talk to you,” says Lemon. “I’m leaving… I’m going to go find this paradise. I need to see it for myself. I want to feel the soil between my toes and taste the unknown insects.” 

His parents are quiet for a moment. They see in his eyes that this is very important, and they only want what is best for their child. 

His mother speaks first. “You are a sweet child, little Lemon. You have a wonderful mind, brave and curious. You know you’re always welcome here. Our nest is always open.” 

“Mum, of course I’m coming back! I love you two so much and this is my home.” 

Lemon’s father says, “It has been said that there comes a point in a bird’s life when he needs to go beyond the mountains… It happened to my father and my father’s father, but never for me. That time never came. I grew up during the worst winter in known history. I had to work and sacrifice—there was no time for adventures… so, go on, Lemon. Get out there and live your life!” 

“You are the best parents a bird could ever wish for!” 

And with those words, the family hugs, a long hug which, even though freezing winds rip past them, seems to warm them to their very bones. 

Lemon the Bird

Story = '2000 most common words in English'. 

It was 10am on a cloudy Friday when Bobby was struck by inspiration.  It was a day like any other. Bobby was sitting on his bed, curled up in a ball and Afsane was nearby reading a new book.

Bobby was deep in thought. His eyes were closed but his mind was active. His little tail was wagging softly. Occasionally he got up, turned around and sat back down again. This was part of his creative process. 

Then Bobby’s eyes shot open. “Yes! That’s it! I’ll… I’ll…” Then he rested his head again on his paws.  “No… it’s gone.” 

Asfane turned her attention back to her book and turned the page. The book was called, How to Live with An Extraordinary Dog. She wanted to better understand Bobby’s gift.

“You’ve done so many projects,” said Afsane. “Why don’t you revisit an old idea and explore it from a different viewpoint?” 

All over Bobby’s room were his photographs. They were all in special frames. He had taken photos of almost everything: parks, sports, markets, transportation, roads—whatever Bobby saw, he snapped a photo. But he didn’t know what to do for his next photography project. 

Bobby needed to refresh his mind. He jumped off the bed and walked over to his food area. On the wall in front of his red drinking bowl was a picture of his previous drinking bowl, a blue one. 

“I’m looking for a special subject, Afsane,” said Bobby after drinking some water. “Something which speaks to my soul. Something which lifts my spirits.” 

Afsane shrugged her shoulders and put down her book. “That sounds very serious, Bobby. Why don’t you just take a photo of… oh, I don’t know, that.” 

Afsane pointed to the open window. 

Bobby felt curious, so he jumped up and looked out the window. He didn’t see much. He watched the traffic and the dark clouds. But then, something caught his eye. 

Bobby barked and howled! “That’s it! That’s it!”

“See, I told you. There’s nothing boring about windows,” said Afsane.

“No. There! Children!”

Bobby the Dog

3000 Most Common Words

This is a clean and tidy office. A photo is displayed on the wall. It shows the Memory Stationery staff standing proud in front of a new warehouse. Everyone’s face is full of optimism.  But today the company atmosphere is tense. A4, the CEO of the company, is at his desk and on the phone; he is facing out the window at the sky. His facial expression is timid.

“I hear you, Mr. Scissors,” says A4. “But it’s impossible. I can’t take our prices down that low. You’re asking me to sacrifice our entire profit margin.”

A4 sits in silence as he listens to the response. A bead of sweat runs down the CEO’s face. The voice on the other end is frightening him.

“Sir, last month I discounted our products to the bottom line… Yes, but, please, sir, I’m just an
honest wholesaler. I promise I’m not trying to take advantage of you… Other retailers are happy to pay market rate—”

A4 suddenly pulls the phone away from his ear. The voice is furious and aggressive. It is blasting out the tiny speaker. When the harsh noise calms down, A4 puts the phone back to his ear.

“No, please, don’t cut me. Please, sir. You’re right, okay? You’re right. That was rude of me, I’m
sorry… I know. I’m a scrap. You’re right. I’m no better than a tissue. You’re right…”

A4 changes his tone. He isn’t pleading anymore. He sounds like he has given up.

“Mr. Scissors. I’ll look at our margins and call you back. There might be some way we can go down lower…”

A4 hangs up the phone. He leans back in his chair. His eyes are glazed over. He is deep in
contemplation. He imagines the brutal scenario of Mr. Scissors cutting him into a thousand pieces.

Throughout this entire time, A4 has been recording the conversation onto his paper body. This is his natural ability. A4’s unmistakable memory is the reason why he is the CEO.

A4 picks up the phone and dials a number. Life returns to his eyes.

“Backpack, get everyone together in the meeting room. I have an announcement.”