LUCY
The Summer in Shenzhen is like a wayward kid. In the morning, the sun shone brightly in the azure sky with clouds lying on the top of bluish green mountains leisurely. Walking on the street, I could see beams of sunlight shine through treetops where birds chirped merrily. It seemed to be a lovely day. However, at noon, the dark clouds gathered up. Before people were aware of it, it suddenly rained cats and dogs. Some people were able to take their umbrellas so they kept crossing the street as if nothing had happened. But other people who had carelessly forgotten to took their umbrellas had no choice but to get out of the rain at the bus stop or the mall with a resigned look. Umbrella though I took, my trouser legs were wet out by the sudden heavy rain. What a terrible weather! In the evening, the downpour finally stopped and the sky was like a simple as well as elegant watercolour painting. When the night screen had hung down, the city lighting, the hustle and bustle took place with a no wind but clear sky. This is the weather of the early summer in Shenzhen. However, the middle Summer always comes with the blue sky during the day and the beauteous sunset in the evening. So unpredictable the weather is that it makes people annoyed sometimes, but it's charming as well. The summer in Shenzhen is like people's lives——unpredictable, bitter sometimes but eventually sweet if we take the world as it is and treat everything around us and everything happened continually in an ordinary manner. Not until I realized this that I found the changing weather and the sudden heavy rain was not so annoyed, as everyone can sing in the rain.☔ This is my first time to make an attempt to write such a seemingly literary composition. I'd be great appreciative of your corrections which will be of great help to me!!
27 apr. 2024 16:26
Correcties · 2
1
The Summer in Shenzhen is like a wayward kid. In the morning, the sun shone brightly in the azure sky with clouds leisurely lying (or floating) on the top of bluish green mountains. Walking up/down/along the street, I could see beams of sunlight shining through treetops where birds chirped merrily. It seemed to be a lovely day. However, at noon, the dark clouds gathered up. Before people were aware of it, it suddenly started raining cats and dogs. Some people were able to open their umbrellas so they kept crossing the street as if nothing had happened. But other people who had carelessly forgotten to carry their umbrellas had no choice but to get out of the rain with a resigned look at the bus stop or the mall. Umbrella though I had taken my trouser legs were drenched by the sudden heavy rain. (I know you love inversion but this sounds strange) What terrible weather! In the evening, the downpour finally stopped and the sky was like a simple as well as elegant watercolour painting. When the night screen had hung down, the city lighting, the hustle and bustle took place with a no wind but clear sky. (There are a few ideas in this sentence but it doesn’t quite work) This is the weather of the early summer in Shenzhen. However, the middle of Summer always comes with blue sky during the day and a beauteous sunset in the evening. So unpredictable is the weather that it makes people annoyed sometimes, but it's charming as well. The summer in Shenzhen is like people's lives——unpredictable, bitter sometimes but eventually sweet if we take the world as it is and take everything around us and everything that happens in our stride. It wasn’t until I realized this that I found the changing weather and the sudden heavy rain was not so annoying, as everyone can sing in the rain.☔ This is my first time to try to write such a seemingly literary composition. I'd be greatly appreciative of your corrections which will be of great help to me!!
Mostly this is a fine. Just changed a few things to make it flow a little better. You have some nice descriptions.
28 april 2024
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