The weather today was critically (this suggests you might die because of the heat! ) hot, the temperature was about 42 centigrade. Mum was like, she could fry an egg on the top of her car. We are going to a friend’s house tonight, and Dad will drink like a fish with them I expect. Their daughter is my age and we are pretty close too, we maybe can sleep together tonight if Dad gets too drunk to go home, that could be so much fun.

The weather today was critically /crazily hot, the temperature was about 42 centigrade. It was like my mum could fry an egg on the top of her car. We are going to a friend’s house tonight, and I expect that Dad will drink like a fish with them. Their daughter is my age and we are pretty close too.if Dad gets too drunk to go home, we might sleep together tonight, that could be so fun.

It's important to join your ideas within sentences with linking words ( in English we can't just use commas between ideas) : The weather today was boiling hot AND the temperature was about 42 centigrade. Mum was like, she could fry an egg on the top of her car. We are going to a friend’s house tonight, and Dad will drink like a fish with them, I expect. Their daughter is my age and we are pretty close too SO we maybe sleep together tonight if Dad get too drunk to go home. THAT/ITcould be so fun.