If your goal is clear communication, then it's poorly constructed. But some of the weirdness and lack of clarity can be excused under poetic licence, because it sounds poetic. The first line is the worst offender, grammatically. It should at least be reworded to: I dare do all that make me a man. And if poetry is not the goal, it should be improved further, for example like this: I dare do all the things that may make me a better man. No one dares do more than me.