👋Hey Italki buddies! Would be grateful if sb could correct my IELTS Writing Task 2 response to the following question: In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you nee

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👋Hey Italki buddies! Would be grateful if sb could correct my IELTS Writing Task 2 response to the following question: In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience. *** An increasing number of people use shopping as a way to have fun instead of treating it seriously. In my opinion, this is a negative development, which comes at an astonishing environmental cost, and has a damaging effect on the family budget. One serious problem that can arise from people purchasing goods impulsively is that it exacerbates pollution. When people become victims of consumerism and buy clothing for fun, fashion industries are prompted to produce new goods. During the manufacturing process, the air becomes polluted because of carbon emissions. Moreover, waters are also affected. To illustrate that, research has proven that the majority of all materials used by fashion industries are made from plastic, which eventually ends up in the oceans. Another issue is that shopping as an entertainment can have side effects on the family budget. In other words, instead of planning each shopping trip and expenditures, people squander their money on items they do not even need. As a result of such irrational behaviour, they may lack finances for the necessary goods. My own situation is a perfect example of this. When I was a student, I used to stroll at malls with my friends because I considered it a great pastime. However, by lapse of time, I started to notice I was saving on food and did not have a proper diet. In conclusion, although it has become more popular for people to treat shopping as entertainment, it brings about too many issues for this to be considered a positive trend.

26 maj 2024 17:33

Odpowiedzi · 3

Nastia: this is excellent, almost flawless. Instead of "fashion industries", I think "the fashion industry" or "clothing manufacturers" is more appropriate. Instead of "by lapse of time", a phrase like "over time" sounds much better. You might be thinking of "with the passage of time" as an expression. This is much better than "by lapse of time" here, but is very formal in this context, but possible. Instead of "Moreover, waters are also affected", I would say something like: "Moreover, certain bodies of water are also affected" or "the ocean is also affected" (although you have the word "ocean" at the end of the sentence and maybe you don't want to be repetitive. "Waters" is probably grammatically correct, but is not so commonly used in this way. There is a song "Bridge over Troubled Waters" of course, but it is sort of a poetic use of the word and I rarely see it otherwise. These are not really grammar points, they are more questions of word choice, I guess we could say. I don't know how IELTS people grade these sort of questions, but it looked very good to me (a mere native English speaker). I hope that helps.

26 maj 2024 23:58