OK, here's the thing. Over the years I've tried different language exchange sites and I started to notice this pattern: you come to a new place online, you see thousand of people (including native speakers you are hungry for) seemingly eager to strike up a conversation, you get excited, you write to some you think you've got something in common with and... nothing. Best case scenario - they reply but after a couple of messages the conversation dies off. You try again and again -> the same result, you get upset and a bit paranoid thinking of Einstein and his definition of insanity.
Is it just me being absolutely untalkable to, unlikable, boring and socially weird or is there some secret to it I'm just not getting?
I see lots of profiles here on Italki with people having 200-something friends and I'm like: 'Why even bother texting - they either have too much on their plate already what with trying to keep up with so many chats or they just friend everybody and I'll be just another number - added mindlessly and never talked to'.
Soo... :) What's up with that?
Italkers who have managed to make it here - how did you do that?)
Hi Uliana!
I read your profile, and I think you sound great. I get a sense of your personality, you are willing to discuss a wide variety of topics, and you seem interested in truly learning about other people and their cultures. If I was learning Russian you would be just the type of person I'd want to do an exchange with.
Don't be hard on yourself and don't take it personally. Italki is an interesting platform. You do have to weed out the ones that you don't click with or whose time zones conflict with yours, or who are too busy, etc. But hang in there b/c in the midst of weeding, you will find some really great language partners.
That's internet interaction for you.
You need to talk to people who you can relate to.
Also try to do a voice call right away instead of talking through messages.
It's more engaging, saves time, & you can filter out the majority of people that won't stay around.
Hi! I've seen a lot of questions like that everywhere - on italki, Facebook, Englishbaby and the like. I've been learning English for many years and very often it was me initiating the talk. There're still many people I do communicate today with although a lot of time passed: I changed totally as a person and those of my "penfriends" did, too.
Because you asked, here are the key points I'd recommend paying as much attention as possible:
1. Your profile should show you as an outgoing, happy person with interesting life by means of several really eye-catching pictures and additional information
2. The profile of your potential language partner should look the same. If the profile is private, if there's no information about the person at all - that means a lot as well.
3. A convenient messenger. Internet communication just has to be convenient and on italki instant messaging is just not as cool and smooth as it could be on WhatsApp, Telegram or Viber. Emotions die if you get your letters answered in a week, especially if it was just a "How are you?" question.
4. Be sincere and stay away from the mold usual conversations must fit in. Noone likes to open his/her messages and see 700 messages of the same content "hi" or "Hi how r u?". I usually ignore messages like that, because I feel like i'm wasting time answering those messages, because half of them turns into ignoring at the end of the day, the other half into "hey dear baby send me some nude pics of yours" . If you're interesting and adequate, show it in your first sentence.
As in any other things, you will probably need to try 99 times to make it work with the person #100. But it certainly worths it. It's like shopping: you come to a mall, you see tens of shops and for some reason some (just SOME) of the shops look really welcoming and you want to come in and have a look at what they offer.
