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The night I fell in love with Chopin. I had never been a fan of Chopin. That is not to say that I disliked him; his work had just never spoken to me the way other composers do. Until yesterday. As per tradition, my parents took me to the orchestra, which was playing Chopin 1st piano concerto and Brahms 3rd symphony. Marie-Ange Nguci, a young French-Albanian pianist was the soloist. The orchestra was briskly led by a visiting conductor; a young and extraordinary woman. How impressive she was, literally dancing, while conducting the orchestra without a single piece of sheet music. But when Nguci started to play, it was as if everything surrounding me disappeared. The musicians, the stage, the conductor... - the audience would have disappeared as well if it weren’t for some people who kept walking in and out of the hall in their squeaky shoes... But the music was too phenomenal to waste time enraging. I was no longer in a concert hall. The piano was a light stream rolling downhill, at times dainty and light, on others swift and fiery. Always graceful. The strings encouraged her like the wind rustling through the leaves of the ancient and young trees of a forest inhabited by spirits of horns, flutes, clarinets... A suspended moment in time I know I will cherish for a long time.
4 gru 2021 13:05
Poprawki · 10
The night I fell in love with Chopin. I had never been a fan of Chopin. That is not to say that I disliked him; his work had just never spoken to me the way other composers do. Until yesterday. As per tradition, my parents took me to the orchestra, which was playing Chopin’s Piano Concerto No. 1 and Brahm’s Symphony No.3 (what you had is not technically wrong but as a classical player I opt for this terminology). Marie-Ange Nguci, a young French-Albanian pianist was the soloist. The orchestra was (would remove the adjective ‘briskly’ as could imply that she led ‘too fast’ etc.) led by a visiting conductor; (would be nice for reader’s to be given name of conductor) a young and extraordinary woman. How impressive she was, literally dancing, while conducting the orchestra without a single piece of sheet music. But when Nguci started to play, it was as if everything around me disappeared. The musicians, the stage, the conductor... - the audience would have disappeared as well if it weren’t for some people walking in and out of the hall in their squeaky shoes... But the music was too extraordinary/transcendent/enticing/sublime (alternative adjectives to use instead, it’s a personal preference to not use ‘phenomenonal’ as the adjective combined with ‘too’ is overpowering and takes away from what you’re trying to convey. These adjectives are more suited to describe this experience.) to waste time in antagonisation (more natural) . I was no longer in the (would use ‘the’ here as subtle but effective way to specify the context and tie the reader to the atmosphere you are creating.) concert hall. The piano was a (removed as contradicts your later words) stream rolling downhill, at times dainty and light, on others swift and fiery. Always graceful. The strings encouraged her like a wind rustling through the leaves of the ancient and young trees of a forest inhabited by spirits of horns, flutes, clarinets.A moment suspended in time I know I will cherish for a long time.
Really lovely piece of writing to read. Some of these corrections can be interpreted as personal preferences but I explained the rationality behind each one. Occasionally the use of adjectives could be considered excessive. While in descriptive writing it is nice to have adjectives- sometimes over-usage can take away from the overall picture. Less is more and if we add on too much colour to a painting, it can make it muddy. I liked the use of similes and metaphors but just watch out that they are leading the reader in the right way. For example, you spoke of a ‘light’ stream to describe the piano playing but later on in the same sentence you say that it is ‘swift and fiery’ which would contradict the image you are trying to create. I really loved the description of the wind but again conceptually the idea of a ‘forest inhabited by spirits of horns etc’ might need to be shifted since instruments are inanimate objects and lack spirits. However you could replace ‘spirits of horns’ with ‘spirits of something you think sounds like those wind and brass instruments’. These are all nit-picking corrections but that is only because the writing overall is excellent and mostly grammatically correct. Well done. As a classical player I appreciate this writing.
27 lutego 2022
The night I fell in love with Chopin. I had never been a fan of Chopin. That is not to say that I disliked him; his work had just never spoken to me the way other composers do. Until yesterday. As per tradition, my parents took me to the orchestra, which was playing Chopin’s 1st piano concerto and Brahms’ 3rd symphony. Marie-Ange Nguci, a young French-Albanian pianist was the soloist. The orchestra was briskly led by a visiting conductor; a young and extraordinary woman. How impressive she was, literally dancing, while conducting the orchestra without a single piece of sheet music. But when Nguci started to play, it was as if everything surrounding me disappeared. The musicians, the stage, the conductor... the audience would have disappeared as well if it weren’t for some people who kept walking in and out of the hall in their squeaky shoes... But the music was too phenomenal to waste time getting angry. I was no longer in a concert hall. The piano was a light stream rolling downhill, at times dainty and light, on others swift and fiery. Always graceful. The strings encouraged her like the wind rustling through the leaves of the ancient and young trees of a forest inhabited by spirits of horns, flutes, clarinets... A suspended moment in time I know I will cherish for a long time.
Not only beautiful English, but beautiful prose. I had a similar experience once hearing a Liszt piano sonata. The artist makes all the difference! Oh, and why did I change Chopin & Brahms to the possessive but not Liszt? Because you’re referring to specific pieces & I’m referring to an indefinite piece. If I specified the piece—Liszt’s Sonata in B minor—then it would need the possessive as well. As to why that’s done grammatically, I can’t tell you. :-(
4 grudnia 2021
The night I fell in love with Chopin. I had never been a fan of Chopin. That is not to say that I disliked him; his work had just never spoken to me in the way other composers do. Until yesterday. As per tradition, my parents took me to see the orchestra, which was playing Chopin’s Piano Concerto No. 1 and Brahms Symphony No. 3. Marie-Ange Nguci, a young French-Albanian pianist was the soloist of the concerto. The orchestra was being led by a visiting conductor, (insert name here) a young and extraordinary woman. How impressive she was, literally dancing, conducting the orchestra without a single piece of sheet music. But when Nguci started to play, it was as if everything around me disappeared. The musicians, the stage, the conductor... - the audience would have disappeared as well if it weren’t for some people walking in and out of the hall in their squeaky shoes... But the music was too empowering/enticing/engaging to waste time in antagonisation. I was no longer in the concert hall. The piano was a stream rolling downhill, at times dainty and light, others swift and fiery. Always graceful. The strings encouraged her like a wind rustling through the leaves of a forest inhabited by spirits of horns, flutes, clarinets. A suspended moment in time and one I know I will cherish for a long time.
Same corrections without the additional commentary (though noticed some more potential changes) to make it easier for you. ‘In antagonisation’ which I chose to use instead is a nice way to sum up what you were trying to say. Antagonisation means ‘going against something’ and in this case you would be antagonising the people with the squeaky shoes! But again really lovely writing!
27 lutego 2022
The night I fell in love with Chopin. I had never been a fan of Chopin. That is not to say that I disliked him; his work had just never spoken to me the way other composers do. Until yesterday. As per tradition, my parents took me to the orchestra, which was playing Chopin 1st piano concerto and Brahms 3rd symphony. Marie-Ange Nguci, a young French-Albanian pianist was the soloist. The orchestra was briskly led by a visiting conductor; a young and extraordinary woman. How impressive she was, literally dancing, while conducting the orchestra without a single piece of sheet music. But when Nguci started to play, it was as if everything surrounding me disappeared. The musicians, the stage, the conductor... - the audience would have disappeared as well if it weren’t for some people who kept walking in and out of the hall in their squeaky shoes... But the music was too phenomenal to waste time getting enraged. I was no longer in a concert hall. The piano was a light stream rolling downhill, at times dainty and light, on others swift and fiery. Always graceful. The strings encouraged her like the wind rustling through the leaves of the ancient and young trees of a forest inhabited by spirits of horns, flutes, clarinets... A suspended moment in time I know I will cherish for a long time.
Beautiful prose. Until recently, I didn't have much time for Chopin, but I listened to a little in the car and it spoke to me. However, it left me feeling a touch melancholic.
11 grudnia 2021
The night I fell in love with Chopin. I had never been a fan of Chopin. That is not to say that I disliked him; his work had just never spoken to me the way other composers do. Until yesterday. As per tradition, my parents took me to the orchestra, which was playing Chopin 1st piano concerto and Brahms 3rd symphony. Marie-Ange Nguci, a young French-Albanian pianist was the soloist. The orchestra was briskly led by a visiting conductor; a young and extraordinary woman. How impressive she was, literally dancing, while conducting the orchestra without a single piece of sheet music. But when Nguci started to play, it was as if everything surrounding me disappeared. The musicians, the stage, the conductor... - the audience would have disappeared as well if it weren’t for some people who kept walking in and out of the hall in their squeaky shoes... But the music was too phenomenal to waste time enraging. I was no longer in a concert hall. The piano was a light stream rolling downhill, at times dainty and light, on others swift and fiery. Always graceful. The strings encouraged her like the wind rustling through the leaves of the ancient and young trees of a forest inhabited by spirits of horns, flutes, clarinets... A suspended moment in time I know I will cherish for a long time.
This is very beautifully written text. I have some extremely minor and picky corrections. “I had never been a fan of Chopin.” —> “I have never been a fan of Chopin.” I almost didn’t offer this correction… because what you have is grammatically correct. In fact, conceptually it’s MORE correct that what I’m suggesting you change it to, given the rest of your text. My change is a very subtle one of style and I even ran it by my wife before writing this to make sure I wasn’t being too picky. But the way I wrote it is how most English speakers would tell this story. It’s like you’ve already given away the ending by using the past tense too soon. By saying “had” here we know right away that you changed your mind. “which was playing Chopin 1st piano concerto and Brahms 3rd symphony.” I’m not a music expert, but I think you either need to say “Chopin’s 1st piano concerto” (using a possessive) or “Chopin Piano Concerto No. 1” (note the capital letters in the title here). “The orchestra was briskly led by a visiting conductor; a young and extraordinary woman.” You want a comma instead of a semi-colon here. A good rule for semi-colons (which works 95% of the time - there are exceptions) is that the two parts of the sentence, what is before and after the semi-colon, need to be able to stand by themselves as “independent clauses.” In other words, they have to be able, in theory, to be complete sentences on their own with a subject and verb. Here “a young and extraordinary woman” is not an independent clause. You can’t make a whole sentence out of it. “But the music was too phenomenal to waste time enraging.” —> “But the music was too phenomenal to waste time being enraged.” Enraging is something you do to something or someone else, e.g. “By enraging the bull with his red cape, the matador was able to completely disorient it.”
4 grudnia 2021
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