An Essay
Write paragraphs to answer the question: about studying abroad
Some students choose to study in another country for a time during high school or university. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad?
In today's world some students want to study abroad. I believe that it might be a positive experience, although it has a negative side and here it is why.
Firstly, studying abrouad allows students to live new experiences, which they would not have lived by another way. They will face living on their own in a different country and dealing with a foreign language. It would be a tough at first but in the end they will enjoy it.
However, that could be a problem too. They can go partying too much. Some students who live far away from their parents forget rules and they only want to go out and have fun with their new friends in a new place.
Nevertheless, if they keep studying and partying moderately, studying abroad will be very worth it. That is why it is necessary that only mature, responsible and sensible students should be study abroad.
In conclusion, I believe that studying abroad is a fantastic experience for students. They can learn a lot about their studies and life, but they have to be very adult, ohterwise they will lose that study year.
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An Essay
Write paragraphs to answer the question: about studying abroad
Some students choose to study in another country for a time during high school or university. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad?
In today's world, some students want to study abroad. I believe that it might be a positive experience, although it has a negative side (or "it also has negative aspects.") and here it is why.
Firstly, studying abrouad abroad allows students to live new experiences, which they would not have lived by another way. They will face living on their own in a different country and dealing with a foreign language. It would be a tough at first, but in the end they will enjoy it.
However, that could be a problem too. They can (or "might") go partying party too much. Some students who live far away from their parents forget rules and they only want to go out and have fun with their new friends in a new place.
Nevertheless, if they keep studying and partying moderately *, studying abroad will be very worth it. That is why it is necessary that only mature, responsible and sensible students should be study abroad. ("should do study abroad" would also be fine.)
In conclusion, I believe that studying abroad is a fantastic experience for students. They can learn a lot about their studies and life, but they have to be very adult, otherwise they will lose (or "waste") that study year.
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This was well written. There weren't many things that absolutely needed to be changed. I highlighted in yellow some recommendations for optional changes. Some of those changes are to achieve "college level writing" rather than because the English was incorrect. (For example, "go partying" sounds like a more casual way to talk -- the simpler verb "party" sounds a little better for a formal essay.)
I suggested changing "a negative side" to "negative aspects" because it seemed like you mentioned two negative things and I wasn't sure if it seemed right to lump them together into one "side." (maybe if they were very closely related it could work).
"Firstly" can always be simplified to "First" when making a numbered series of points -- the benefit is that later you won't have to say, "Secondly, Thirdly, Fourthly" (it starts to sound awkward as the numbers get bigger!). I believe "First" is generally preferred over "Firstly."
If you introduce a point with "First", then the reader is going to expect that there will be another point that starts with "Second" and hopefully a "Third." Or an alternative is a strong sequence: "First this happened. Then that happens, Next the other thing happened." If there isn't a list of points or a clear sequence, then it's probably better to not use "First" as an introductory word.
* Another optional change here...I recommend "if they keep studying and party moderately" or "if they keep studying and only party moderately." The way it was originally written ("if they keep studying and partying moderately") made the "moderately" be applied to both verbs, so then the meaning was "If they keep studying moderately and keep partying moderately."
Good job with this notebook, Francisco Jose.
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