It's not that bad, you just had few minor flaws in it.
1.) "my English in not that good" would be a better sentence.
2.) "I want to make friends with everybody" you have to put "s" on friends.
3:) "I'm learning English" time doesn't add up.
4.) "I need to be good at English" again, you just have to use the proper way of writing sentences.
5.) "have to" not must to.
6.) "I like music really much"
7.) "Can you check the mistakes for me?"
I hope I helped a little. You just have to watch some movies in English, or read something in English, because you are not bad at grammar, no, but you have to learn how are you supposed to write the sentences.
See you around, Ha.