As you said, you cannot be passive when learning a language. You must actively apply and change the way you think and act with all the knowledge you acquire in your journey. What helped me a lot back in the days when I started learning was to set a line between my native and second language. So if you're trying to actually jump into what you're learning, you have to forget about your native language, and use what you've got. This will allow your target language to take root in your brain, it will grow and flourish just like a beautiful tree.

It seems to me, you are a replica of Sissi, Nadia.

Your passive vocabulary (the total amount of words you know and can recognize through listening or reading) will always be greater than your active vocabulary (the words you normally use when speaking). It is the same whether it is your mother language or second language.