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Paco Zhang
Could anyone help me correct my grammar mistakes?
This is an IELTS writing practice. Thanks a lot if you write any comments.
Question
You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help.
Write a letter to this friend. In your letter
-give details of your study plans
-explain why you want to get a part-time job
-suggest how your friend could help you find a job
Answer
Dear Max,
I am so delighted to tell you that I have got an offer from USC recently, and this means that we are going to meet soon! But I do need you to do me a favor if you don’t mind.
I will move to Los Angeles this summer because my classes will start on the 20th of August. I will major in Computer Science which will help me to become an AI engineering after I graduated. The program is a two-year master’s degree program, so we can hang out often in the upcoming future.
To assist in covering the cost of study and live in Los Angeles, I aim to find a part-time job. As I know, not only the tuition fees are expensive in USC, but also to rent an apartment in California is much more expensive than other states in the US. So, I would like to arrange some temporary employment before I arrived.
I have a bachelor’s degree in computer science and I know you are working in this industry. I am wondering if you could ask around among your friends and colleagues to see if anyone would offer me an opportunity. I would be grateful if you could give me the contact details of the employer who would like to offer the job.
I am looking forward to seeing you soon.
Best wishes,
John
6 maj 2019 04:38
Odpowiedzi · 5
2
Dear Max,
I am delighted to tell you that I recently have received an offer from USC ( or I am delighted to tell you that I recently got an offer from USC), and this means that we can meet soon! I need to ask you for a favor, if you don't mind.
I will move to Los Angeles this summer because my classes will start on the August 20th. I will major in Computer Science which will help me to become an AI engineering, after I graduate. The program is a two-year master’s degree program, so we can hang out often in the upcoming future.
To assist in covering the cost of my studies and living, while I'm in Los Angeles, I intend to find a part-time job. As I know, not only are the tuition fees expensive in USC but also renting an apartment in California is much more expensive than the other states in the US, so I would like to obtain employment before I arrive.
I have a bachelor’s degree in computer science, and I know you are working in this industry, so I am wondering if you could ask around among your friends and colleagues to see if anyone could offer me an employment opportunity. I would be grateful, if you could give me the contact details of the employer who would like to offer a job to me.
I am looking forward to seeing you soon.
Best wishes,
John
6 maja 2019
1
Hi Paco,
You've covered all points in the question, which is great. I'm not sure what the word limit is, so please double-check that to make sure you haven't written too much or too little.
The main issue is that it sounds too formal. Remember you're writing to a friend in this task, so you don't need to explain everything in detail. I suggest revising this and changing anything that looks like language for a job application.
In future, please post texts in the Notebook section. The Answers section isn't designed to give effective corrections.
6 maja 2019
Put it in the notes section. It is easier to correct there. Send me a link to it if you wished me to correct it :)
6 maja 2019
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Paco Zhang
Znajomość języków
chiński (mandaryński), angielski
Język do nauczenia się
angielski
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