Your command of written English is very good-- three things to keep in mind: 1) be mindful of accidentally mixing your tenses. 2) If you use 'I am' then use it all the way to the end of your thought. If you use 'I'm' do the same-- using them both gives an odd mix of formal and less formal writing to the reader. This is a bit unnatural. I suggest you pick one and stick with it. 3) In written English, long sentences are usually frowned upon. When we were in elementary school, the teachers would chastise us for writing 'run-on sentences' and make us shorten them. For ex) 1- It makes me so happy to see the looks on their faces brighten the moment they see the changes in themselves. It feels as though I am the one experiencing them. I'm so thankful to the barber for having such a significant and positive impact on their lives. 2- I feel immense joy when I see the expressions on their faces light up upon noticing their transformations. It's almost as if I'm the one to whom it occurred. I'm grateful to the barber for having such an impactful impact on their lives.