Overall, your IELTS Writing Task 1 response provides a clear and concise overview of the education levels in Glasgow in 2010. The structure and organization of the essay are well done, and you've effectively summarized the key points from the graph. However, there are a few areas where you can further improve the response to make it even stronger:
Introduction: The introduction could be more precise and structured. You can mention the key trends or patterns in the data, for example: "The graph depicts the education levels of different age groups in Glasgow in 2010. Overall, the majority of individuals between 16 and 50 years old held university degrees, while those aged 75 and above had no qualifications."
Data Description: The second paragraph does a good job of providing specific data points for the age group below 50, but it can be further improved by including the actual percentage values. For example: "In the 24-35 age group, 76% of individuals held bachelor's degrees, followed by 71% in the other two age brackets (16-24 and 35-50). Each of these younger age groups had 20% of individuals with no qualifications."
Comparisons: When making comparisons between different age groups, it's important to use appropriate language to show the relationships clearly. For instance, instead of saying "The figure for people aged from 50 to 75 was two times as high as that for the elderly," you could say "The percentage of individuals aged 50-75 with no qualifications was twice as high as the percentage for individuals aged 75 and above."
Specific Data for the Older Age Group: While you've mentioned the proportion of individuals with no qualifications for those aged 75 and above, it would be helpful to include data on the educational levels of the older age group (50-75) as well. For example: "In the 50-75 age group, 50% held university degrees, 30% had no qualifications, and 20% completed high school but did not pursue university degrees."