Have you ever noticed that self-teaching texts for every language always assume who you -- the student -- are and why you are learning that language? In the following days I'll be posting a spoof (= a joke version) on the learning materials for several languages.
YEAR ONE JAPANESE
Konichiwa!
Ok, your company has relocated you to Japan! But, you have NO TIME to learn Japanese, nor any real interest either, never mind the fact that Japanese writing scares the bejeezus out of you.
That's alright. Don't cry. We'll get through this together!
Here's how you trade business cards. This how you make the present tense. It's not too hard. You probably will need to buy some things so this is the word for "department store" and "alarm clock", "shirt" and "toothbrush". Oh yeah, and "lawyer".
We understand you don't want to be bothered with written Japanese, but there are some words it's very helpful to be able to read like "Women" and "Men" restroom signs, ok? Here they are. Just memorize the shapes.
(You know if you are going to be in Japan for a while, it might be a good idea to start learning to read a little more. At least Hiragana. Just a suggestion.)
This is how you make the past tense. It's not too hard.
These are polite ways to accept or turn down invitations from other business people. This is a tatami mat. Yes, it IS important. This is how the Tokyo underground system works.
This is how you can form some plurals. We know -- looks nuts -- just accept it.
Don't put this book down yet. YOU CAN DO IT!
(Congratulations! You have completed book 1!)
Look for Episode 2: Spanish !
There is a level of language learning in intermediate where you start to become creative with the language. You experiment with words and phrasing, seeing what works and what doesn't. Sometimes, you can even coin a word ( = create a new word)! Here are two of mine....
In German, the phrase "Keine Ahnung" means "No idea" and the phrase "mir schwant etwas" means "I'm starting to get the feeling that..." I've put these two together and created "Keine Schwanung", which means "I don't know and I really couldn't guess, either."
Example: Do you know what 3% of 7,8322 is? Keine Schwanung!
In English, I've created the term "Bastardovitch" which takes the Slavic suffix -ovitch meaning "son of" ( but sounds like the English word "bitch") and added it to "bastard".
Example: That bastardovitch just stole my bike!
Have you ever coined a term or a word either in your own language, or in one you are learning? Tell us about it and what your word means!
As beginners we often think we just don't know anything. We feel we can't make sentences due to our limited vocabulary and we sound like children.
Quite often, we're wrong! We know more than we think, but we are overwhelmed by more advanced texts and dialogs which make us unsure of our own abilities. Here is a tip for proving to yourself how much you DO know, and expanding your vocabulary at the same time.
Step 1:
Try to think of 10 verbs for each letter of the alphabet and write them in a list. Here is my list for Welsh...
A: aros, ailgylchu, arafu, anafu, addo, ateb
B: bwyta, bwydo, byw, brwsio
See...I don't know 10 verbs for either A or B. But now I am very sure which verbs I DO know, because I was able to list them myself without looking at any reference material. (Of course, some letters, like X, will not have any verbs. Just skip those. If you are learning a language that does not have an alphabet, you can adapt this for characters or sounds. )
Step 2:
Look in a dictionary and find verbs that start with that letter that you want to know and look useful to you personally, and add them to your list. (Sometimes you will find a verb that you know, but didn't think of...add it! ) Here is what my "A" looks like now...
A: aros, ailgylchu, arafu, anafu, addo, ateb, arbed = to save, awgrymu = to suggest, archebu = to order sth, adeiladu = to build
Don't forget to cross-reference these verbs to make sure you have the correct translations.
Step 3:
Learn your new verbs by your normal method. Do you use Anki, Memrise or Quizlet? Then make sets. Make a new list a month or two later to see how many you can list again. I assure you, it will be a much longer list!
What is the benefit of this??
Unlike with a word list you can find in a book or website, this lists shows you your exact current knowledge and allows you to build a personalized vocabulary. We all speak differently and use certain words and phrases more frequently than other people. This is an organized method of helping you find which words you need to express your style, and not what a teacher or linguist who wrote a vocabulary book tells you that you need.
Verbs are the power stations of a sentence, so it makes sense to get a good collection of verbs as a beginner. This will make you sound like less of a child. However, this method can be used for adjectives/adverbs when you are more advanced. It can also be used to review words you have learned before, but have forgotten.
Happy Learning!
I need some advice from "feelers" or more emotionally-based people.
I am not a very emotional person and emotions are very draining for me. This is why I don't talk to my language partners/correspondents about my personal feelings or how I am on any particular day. My relationship with my language partners is a cordial business arrangement. That's how I'm most comfortable.
But, very often, when I mention an abstract problem I'm working on, or my opinion about something, I get an enormous emotional "It's okay! Sometimes we all have bad days!! The sun will come out tomorrow!! No need to panic!! I'm here for you!! " response that shocks me.
I don't understand why my mental thought patterns are being so vastly misinterpreted as a cry of emotional distress.
I tell them "thank you for your concern, but I'm not an emotional person. If I mention an abstract difficulty I'm having to you, it's just something I'm mentally working on....I don't need a shoulder to cry on. I'm not having an emotional breakdown. "
But, the next time I mention anything similar...they do it again! "It's OK! Life is worth living! Don't jump off a bridge! You can always talk to me!!!"
Tell me...all you feelers out there....how can I get them to stop this? Explaining the situation doesn't work, and I don't want to be mean at all. I understand they want to help me....but there really is nothing to help! And I can't seem to make them understand this.
(PS: all of the ones who do this are women. If that makes any difference. )
One of my favorite funny errors in English was found on a sign in a hotel in Russia. The sign read:
If this is your first time to Russia, then you are welcome to it!
Do you have any guesses not as to what the hotel wanted to say....but what they actually said (without Googling)?
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Here is the Answer!!
to be welcome to something means that you can take it for free, if you want it. The person offering it to you doesn't want it anymore. It can also mean that someone can use something of yours, you don't mind.
Examples:
You are welcome to take any of these pens. (= take them if you want them)
You are welcome to some cake, if you like.
You are welcome to use the towels.
You are welcome to these books. I've already read them.
So, the sign isn't actually welcoming visitors, it really says: If this is your first time to Russia...you can take it home with you for free. We don't want it anymore!
The correct greeting would have been: Welcome to Russia, especially if this is your first time in our country!
Thank you to everyone for your guesses and participation!
