"Thought I" is an unusual word order.
The word order is used to draw attention. It's sometimes used by poets or songwriters to fit the rhyme or the pattern. But it isn't often used with the word "thought." It's more common in the phrase "said I." Even then, it is not common.
I don't think it works well for you in these examples.
In general, playing with word order is an expert maneuver used by writers with a high level of English mastery.
Maybe you can get your drama in another way. "I felt as if I were inside an animated cartoon. Everything seemed to be too bright, too sharp-edged, and moving in a jerky way. I wondered if I was going crazy."