Good morning Sir/Madam my name is Wan Bo and I am 30 years old. I'm here to apply for a job with within your company (Embeded Linux software). My precious role was a software engineer at PHP for 4 years. The reason why I would like the opportunity to start working at Embeded direction is because is one of my hobbies. I love programming, I wish I could see what I have built, not just runing over server, then no body knows what I am doing. Embedded software can control robots, hard devices and so on. I think that is the coolest thing I have ever seen. I would love the opportunity to mix my profession with my passion and here at Embeded Linux I can do exactly that. Thank you Sir/Madam for this immense opportunity and I look forward to hearing from you. Regards Wan Bo

My name is Wan Bo. <full stop> I am 30years old. I'm here to find a job doing Embeded Linux software. I was be a PHP software engineer for 4 years. I know you will ask why I want to work on Embeded direction. It is because my hobbies, include programming. I love programming, I want to see what I have built, not just runing on a server, where nobody knows what I have done. Embeded software can control robots, hardware devices and more. I think that is the coolest thing I have ever seen. Thank you. If you break the first into two sentences, needs a full stop & capital letter. used to be is without duration. say "was" or used to be without a duration. start to work - needs a change. Unclear which tense you wanted started to work if you have already started want to work - if this is the start Unclear what you want to say about your hoibbies: I guessed. BTW: Sometimes hobbyists don't do things in a professional manner. Not always best to say it's a hobby. May be better to say that you also try to develop your programming capabilities after hours as well. Hope it goes well for you.

My name is Wan Bo, [I am] 30 years old. I'm here to find a job [working with] with Embeded Linux software. I used to be a PHP software engineer for 4 years. I know you [probably want to know how I started with] Embeded. [It's] because my [hobbies]. I love programming, I wish [to] see what I have built [in real life], not just [running in a] server. Embeded software can control robots, [hardware] devices and [more]. I think that is the coolest thing I have ever seen. Thank you [for the opportunity]. Good luck!!

sorry correction. ... work on embedded linux. "direction" does not fit here.