Nastia
Hello Italki tutors! Would be grateful if you could check my IELTS response to Writing Task 2 on the pic. Many thanks in advance!!! Child obesity levels are increasing dramatically all over the world. This essay will first suggest that the biggest causes for this are sedentary lifestyle and abundance in junk food and then argue that the government could resolve this issue by introducing nutrition lessons at schools and supplying canteens with healthier products. The foremost reason for children obesity is sedentary lifestyle. The more time they spend indoors glued to their phones and computers instead of engaging in outside activities with their peers, the more overweight they become because of the calorie surplus. Furthermore, being exposed to a wide range of foods, which are oftentimes not so healthy, children’s calorie intake increases, making them gain more weight. For example, there is a large number of fast-food restaurants in Kyiv, and when young students return from schools they often stop by such places and buy these foods instead of eating staple meals at home. Possible solution to this problem would be to introduce nutrition courses at educational establishments. When added to education curriculum, students would gain more knowledge about eating healthily and restraining from unnecessary mealtimes. Furthermore, if schools purchased wholesome alternatives, pupils would gain less calories. In other words, if instead of juices and cookies, schools procured fruits and berries, and cooks prepared sugar-free compots, children would maintain a healthier diet and be less prone to obesity. To conclude, children become obese when not move around enough and fall for unhealthy foods. However, if governments urged schools to educate children about nutrition, and purchase healthier products, this problem could be solved.
6. Juni 2024 07:44
Korrekturen · 4
Child obesity levels are increasing dramatically all over the world. This essay will first suggest that the biggest causes for this are sedentary lifestyles and an abundance of junk food and then argue that the government could resolve this issue by introducing nutrition lessons at schools and supplying canteens with healthier products. The foremost reason for obesity in children is a sedentary lifestyle (this repeats the introduction so it would be good to change the words) The more time they spend indoors glued to their phones and computers instead of engaging in outdoor activities with their peers, the more overweight they become because of the calorie surplus. Furthermore, being exposed to a wide range of foods, which are oftentimes not so healthy, children’s calorie intake increases, making them gain more weight. For example, there is a large number of fast-food restaurants in Kyiv, and when young students return from schools they often stop by such places and buy these foods instead of eating staple meals at home. A possible solution to this problem would be to introduce nutrition courses at educational establishments. When added to the education curriculum, students would gain more knowledge about eating healthily and restraining from unnecessary mealtimes. Furthermore, if schools purchased wholesome alternatives, pupils would take in fewer calories. In other words, if instead of juices and cookies, schools procured fruits and berries, and cooks prepared sugar-free compots, children would maintain a healthier diet and be less prone to obesity. To conclude, children become obese when they do not move around enough and fall for unhealthy foods. However, if governments urged schools to educate children about nutrition, and purchase healthier products, this problem could be solved.
Pretty good. The question asks what governments and individuals can do so maybe it would help if you stressed that children as individuals need to take action, or perhaps that their parents need to be involved.
6. Juni 2024
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