yhemusa
He would the daughter win, must with the mother begin.
How commonly is this proverb said among native Englush speakers?

-- He that would the daughter win, must with the mother first begin.--

1) how frequently is it used?

2) I believe it was a common strategy in the west for the men who were seeking for a marriage in old times, as it is today in China. ( I cannot think of a saying in Chinese with the same meaning this moment, but I guess every Chinese young man would break into a knowing smile on understanding the English one).

I wonder if it is still the case today in the west.)

3) what's your opinion about the proposition carried within this proverb?

 a. the girlfriend's parents, especially the possible mother-in-law, play a crutial role as to the achievement of the marriage. 

 b. a marriage is the thing about boyfriend and girlfriend. It has nothing to do with their parents.

c. ...
25. Okt. 2019 05:15
Kommentare · 5
3
Never heard this before.

In America I would be surprised to see anyone follow this idea seriously. Of course most people want their loved ones to get along, but they often don't meet the parents until far into a relationship and I know plenty of people who have husbands or wives that don't necesarily get along with their in-laws.

For me it's not important. I believe my family would accept anyone that I felt strongly about.
Of course I want my family to all get along, but at the end of the day I'm the one in a relationship with my partner and our own feelings toward other will be more important than how my family feels about them.
25. Oktober 2019
2
I‘ve also never heard it. I feel like I’ve heard the idea behind this talked about decades ago in the English speaking world.

There is still a small kernel of truth to it in that putting in some effort to get along with the mother of the women you would like to marry would be appreciated. But it’s a small kernel because the same would go for all four parents. You can’t always get along with your in laws, but it’s nice to try.
25. Oktober 2019
2
I have never heard it either.

The only proverb remotely similar, which deals with a completely different topic is

"He who would good old England win, must at Webbun Hope begin"

"Webbun" is the local pronunciation of "Weybourne", a village on the Norfolk coast. The sea is very deep right up to the shore there and it is possible to bring large ships close in. Hence an invasion could be started there.

"Weybourne Hope" is part of the beach there

25. Oktober 2019
2
<ol><li>I have never heard this.</li><li>Not at all.</li><li>It has no relevance in modern western culture.</li></ol>

In fact, the whole idea of 'winning' a daughter or 'achieving' a marriage is anachronistic, and potentially offensive. We don't use this language any more and we don't view relationships in these terms.

The concept of seeking the consent or even approval of parents is long gone. And as for the idea that the disapproval of parents could prevent two people getting together, or even that a parent could veto a marriage - that sounds like something from a Jane Austen novel!

This may happen in minority cultures in western countries ( for example, some conservative Bangladeshi families in UK cities), but not in mainstream western culture.

Relationships are about two people. Of course, it's good to get on with your in-laws: if you have a congenial relationship with your partner's parents, all well and good. But if you don't get on with them, you just accept your differences and have as little as possible to do with them.
25. Oktober 2019
2
I have never heard this said in my life.
25. Oktober 2019