My sample writing for IELTS test

Everyone, please help me to correct this. Appreciation for you all for kindness.

Today’s world consists of developed and developing countries, and both have different Gross Domestic Products as well as government’s budget on infrastructure, education and health care. Developed countries often inject some loans to the poorer nations to support their development, in order to create more job opportunities as well as build infrastructure to endorse economic growth. So far, I agree if industrialized countries should help the poorer countries to reduce poverty and improve quality and the standard of living. 

To begin with, most people from developing countries have  a  low level of education and fewer facilities. Teachers in those countries earn  a low salary because of the low budget. Therefore, not many people are motivated to be a teacher. As a result,   the education system produces human resources lacking in  skill, knowledge and will,  compared to the other countries. It becomes   a vicious cycle which has the consequence of low productivity  and low economic value. 

 For example, if the farmers   have advance knowledge such as how to multiply the harvest of fruits, they can produce more and get abundant revenue. On the other hand, farmers who have limited  knowledge will use conventional methods, so they don’t get significant results.

  Furthermore, a limited  infrastructure will cause increased  costs in the  economy. 

Therefore the country   will be less competitive compared with others.

To sum up, I agree with the idea that the richer nations should assist the poorer with various kinds of aid. Helping them to eliminate  their enormous problems means creating a world more peaceful and more restful to live in.

   Very good good essay Tri.

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