The person whom I admire most

I am now in my final grade at the secondary school, I want to pass the entrance exam of the Hanoi university, so I am very admired Giang my older(or "elder") sister Giang who was a student of Hanoi university very much.

Giang is the beautiful girl. She is tall, has a delicate face and a perfect body with white skin white*1. When Giang was a student, she wasstudied very hard study but was quiet, did not usually talk with classmates.

Today, Giang has already graduated from the university and is working for a company of Japan and became more sociable, more talkative. Her work is very pressing*2, but she feels happy because she is engaged in the worked she likes.

I am also looking forward to the same as Giang. I am dreaming of doing the job I can enjoy. I really admire GIANG.

*1 The Adjective should be put before the noun in English.

*2 Please note that adjective meaning of "hard" is "solid".

*3 You can also say "She is very busy for her work".

Because I am not native, I corrected points what I can find out.

It seems that your older sister is very great. I am just impressed.

Good job. Keep on practice your English!

The person whom I admire the most

I am now in my final year of high school. I want to pass the exam at Hanoi University so I admire Giang, my older sister, very much, who was a student at Hanoi University. Giang is a beautiful girl. She is tall and has a delicate face and a perfect body with white skin. When Giang was a student, she studied very hard but was quiet and did not usually talk with her classmates. Today, Giang has already graduated from  university and is working for a Japanese company and is more sociable, more talkative. She is very busy at work but she feels happy because she doing a job that she likes. I am also looking forward to doing the same thing as Giang. I am dream of doing a job I enjoy. I really admire Giang.

Sounds like a great sister. Good luck!

The person whom I admire most

I am now in my final year at the secondary school.  I want to pass the exam at the to Hanoi University, so I am very much admired Giang, my older sister, who was a student at this/[Hanoi] University. Giang is a beautiful girl. She is tall, has a delicate face and perfect body with pale/light skin white.When Giang is was a student, she is worked very hard at her studiesy but was quiet, and do did not usually talk with her classmates.

Today, Giang have has (already) graduated from university, and works/is working for a Japanese company's Japan and is more sociable, and talks more talk. She Her work is very busy with work, but she feels happy, because she is bedoing worked that she likes. I am also looking forward to doing the same as Giang. I am dream of (doing) a job I enjoy. I really admire GIANG.