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Russia flagAlina Sultanova
Toefl Essay. Could you please check my essay? Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Be sure to use your own words. Do not use memorized examples. As every person grows up the question of leaving parents becomes apparent. Some people prefer to stay with their family and others prefer to live alone. I my opinion it is better to leave the parental house as a person becomes adult. To prove my position I will give two reasons. First of all, one should start living alone to become more independent and responsible. Usually children who finished their high school move to the college campus even if their University is located in their mother town. The new style of living gives them more opportunities to widen horizons by communicating with different people. Also children become more independent as they are forced to make their living by working somewhere and it makes them more attentive to money. Living apart from parents can create the sense of the responsibility as the person cares about himself without help of parents. Secondly, the young adults should leave their family to give parents the opportunity to enjoy themselves and live for their own pleasure. For example, I left my family after the graduating from the high school when I was 17 and I started my adult life. I moved to Saint-Petersburg and earned money for my Universiy studies. My parents were very upset with this change but after a while, they started their new life. Mother and Father decided to travel and to enjoy their time. As they were no longer forced to give me money, they could spend the extra money on things they liked such as exploring the world. They also were able to afford to buy a new flat in the city of their dreams. Thus, a person should start his own independent life apart from the parents as he becomes adult and capable to pay for his own living. The examples included in the essay can support this idea.

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Toefl Essay. Could you please check my essay?

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Be sure to use your own words. Do not use memorized examples.


As every person grows up the question of leaving their parents becomes apparent. Some people prefer to stay with their family and others prefer to live alone. In my opinion it is better to leave the parental house as a person becomes adult. To prove my position I will give two reasons.
First of all, one should start living alone to become more independent and responsible. Usually children who finished finish/have finished their high school move to the college campus even if their University is located in their mother town. The This new style of living gives them more opportunities to widen their horizons by communicating with different people. Also children become more independent as they are forced to make their living by working somewhere and it makes them more attentive to money. Living apart from parents can create the sense of the responsibility as the person cares about himself without the help of parents.
Secondly, the young adults should leave their family to give parents the opportunity to enjoy themselves and live for their own pleasure. For example, I left my family after the graduating from the high school when I was 17 and I started my adult life. I moved to Saint-Petersburg and earned money for my Universiy studies. My parents were very upset with this change but after a while, they started their new life. Mother and father decided to travel and to enjoy their time. As they were no longer forced to give me money, they could spend the extra money on things they liked such as exploring the world. They also were able to afford to buy a new flat in the city of their dreams.
Thus, a person should start his own independent life apart from the parents as he becomes an adult and is capable to pay for his own living. The examples included in the essay can support this idea.

Very nice writing practice Alina. Please tell me if you have any questions about my corrections. - Jason

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As every person grows up, the question of eventually leaving their parents is a fact of life. Some people prefer to stay with their family and others prefer to live alone. In my opinion, it is better to leave the parental house when one becomes an adult. To prove my position, I will give two reasons.

First of all, one should start living alone in order to become more independent and responsible. When students graduate from high school, they usually move to the college campus even if their university is located in their hometown. This new lifestyle  gives them more opportunities to widen their horizons by communicating with different people. Also, children become more independent when they are forced to make a living by working somewhere, and it makes them more money conscious. Living away from one's parents can create a sense of the responsibility when one learns to care for oneself without their parents' help.


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Secondly, the young adults should leave their families to give their parents the opportunity to enjoy themselves and their lives. For example, I left my family after the graduating from the high school when I was 17 and started my adult life. I moved to Saint Petersburg and earned money for my university studies. My parents were very upset with this change, but after a while, they started their new life. My mother and father decided to travel and to enjoy their time. As they were no longer forced to support me, they could spend their extra money on things they liked, such as exploring the world. They also were able to afford to buy a new flat in the city of their dreams.
Thus, people should start their own independent lives apart from the parents when they become adults and are capable of paying for themselves. The examples included in this essay can support this idea.

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Good work! I've given you grammatical corrections in green, and idiomatic/stylistic suggestions in yellow. Please let me know if you have any questions. Happy New Year!

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