Well, it seems pretty good already to me. You might consider a slight revision: It's the treasure I most want (slight word order change from what you have) You might also consider omitting 'if I have the chance' and let the line read from 'please let me...' onward. That way the line appears a similar length to the others. Alternatively, please could take up a line by itself, then put the rest of the line on a new line.

Thank you!

Godttala, these doesn't need correcting or amending. It is poetic and beautiful!