Joke or anecdote. At university a lecture on psychology begins. A professor set comfortably behind the pulpit and begen : - Today, comrades, we will study three similar stages of the human psyche: surprise, irritation and anger. Consider a specific example ... The professor taking out the phone from the briefcase and dials the first number that he finds. - Hello, could I speak with Vasia? - I think you got the wrong number,... “There's it”, the professor says with a smiling, “This is just a slight surprise.” Let's move on. Dials the number again. - Hello, Vasya did not come? - I have said , you won't find his here ... Rubbing his hands, the professor winks conspiratorially at the audience. - We got him. Well, now ... The professor a third time dials the number. - So,Vasia is not here? - #### ### ...(Slams Down Handset) - Well, comrades, I hope you understand the example. Let's start the theoretical part ... A young man from the first desk comes to the professor. “Excuse me, professor, but you forgot the fourth stage.” - Yes, what about it? - The stage of to drive one crazy. Taking the professor's phone, the young man dials the number. - Good day. This is Vasia. Nobody called me?

Clobber more expensive than life! In the Moscow airport was accident the other day. The instruments of one of the aircraft had been failed 20 minutes after take-off (rumor has it, one of the thruster was damage too). The pilot decided to make an emergency landing with full fuel tanks. The landing was unsuccessful. The aircraft few times jumped up and finally fell on the belly. Wings and the back of the plane caught fire. The passengers were evacuated less than in 60 seconds but less than a half survived. It is sad case, but that's not the point. According to witnesses and news as soon as plane first time touched the earth the passengers jump out of their chairs and started to get the hand baggage. Due to the shaking bags fell down and encumbered a gangway. More over some videos show how the people running out of that fire with suitcases and big rucksacks. I have no right to judge them and I don’t know what I would do in such situation, but I sincerely hope that people's lives are more precious to me than Dolce & Gabbana panties.

Wolf!? I like running however due to the work I can do it just in the evening. Near my house there is a small park, the perfect place for jogging. One problem is that around 22:30 this is dark and deserted. I got accustomed to it but internal tension is still present. Once I come to street trainer after jog. It is placed at dimly lit area. I was working on my abs. Suddenly when I was coming up, I meet face to face with the gently looking wolf! I didn't know that people can jump up from such position. I got my second wind and was ready to run 3 kilometers more. And seconds later I heard man's voice: "Don't worry, it is very kind and like to do sport with people". It turned out that the wolf was just a husky (dog).

The best son! Some people say that it is a real story. I don't know, but I want to believe that. One day a couple come in a restaurant. The elderly and weak women accompanied by her son. This couple caught the visitors immediate attention. The old lady was ailing so sometimes she unintentionally toppled over a cutlery or dropped food on her clothes. This annoyed some people, but her son did not pay attention to visitors response. All the time they were here the son lovingly took care of his mother. After finishing the meal, he helped her stand up, toke chips off her dress and see his mother to the dressing room. By that time silence reigns at the restaurant and all visitors looked after the strange couple. The man paid and headed to the exit by supporting his mother by the hand. One man asked him :" Sorry, to me, you have left something there, haven't you?". The son replayed:"No, thank you". But the man has not let up:" You did not understand! You live the lesson to each visitors of this institution!!".

Past Simple or Present Perfect? Why in this sentence "Yeah, I viewed three different apartments, and I really liked one of them." is used a Past Simple ( no Present Perfect) in the first part?

The story about urban Russian man adventure in the Siberia (part 2) Siberia, my urban (city) boyfriend and animals. In the early morning we went to the " wild" park for a walk. It's not strictly a park. It is more like a forest with path and a few roads. My boyfriend was complaining all the way that it is very difficult for townsman wandering in our hills. I did not understand him, because for me it was a ordinary equal road. And just five years after I moved to Moscow I could see the mountings and hills around my native city. At the halfway point Lesha out of breath told me " I need " Snickers" otherwise I will die!". The Snickers! In the forest!! But he was lucky and no far there was a tiny shop. Happy and satisfied Lesha started to eat his trophy. Before he finished the meal a orchid has caught his attention. He slipped the chocolate into his jacket pocket and started looking at the flower. I went ahead. In like five minutes I heard exclamations in the series " Stop!", " Where are you going?!"... I swung round and seen a nice squirrel fleeing the crime scene with Lesha's bar of chocolate =) I could not be able to keep a straight face. Late we and parents went to our dacha, there are not shop, so we've got all food to take with us. My boyfriend spent around one hour looking for his favorite biscuits. I suppose that a magpie (no freaking idea how it could grab all package with biscuits) thankful to him for such taste sweets=) This was not the last case when animals still food from Lesha. When we came to the camping I have said him "There are a lot of chipmunks. Pay attention!". He took precautions, however chipmunks could spill his milk and again still the cakes=)) It was very funny to look at big man which chases wee chipmunks and shout :" We won't get away a furry cans!" After that he totally refused a picnic

The story about urban Russian man adventure in the Siberia (part 1) I was born in the Siberia then came to Moscow. There I met my urban boyfriend. One time we went to visit my native city. In the plane I realized the trip would be funny. During the lend my boyfriend looked down and dazedly said "Dariya there is just a forest! Where have you brought me? This is a tundra!..." I could see a panic and indignation in his eyes. (Sighs) I replied " Pleas relax. My city is big enough (1000000 humans). We have not bears in the street and we don't live at a jurt." He felt better. After a while, the pilot said that a undercarriage has not open - has froze, please keep calm we could land in any case. For me it was for the first time. I was nervous. But I more worried about Lesha (my boyfriend). He was calm and cool. It later turned out that he thought situation to be normal for our regions. I was shocked. We got home safely. At the evening of the same day, when I came to our room from my sister (she live in the neighbouring flat) he sat near the bearing wall and has scared look. I asked "What is happened?". " The earthquake" he replied and looked at me like I was mad. I was amazed. What the hell (hope it is not every rough expression) is going on!? My city is located on the tectonic plate. There's never been a earthquake, and couldn't be! I sent him to bed. I supposed him be very tired after such emotional flight (Grammar I tried to use Complex Object ). Imagine my surprise when on the next morning all his kin called us to see if we were alive. All news told about abnormal earthquake in me city that I didn't felt completely. Strange things were not over yet, but about them I will right in the next remark........ P.S. I don't know yet all the rules of "Italki". So the Russian text could be helpful?

One moment of my sojourn in USA Recently, I have been in USA. This is very interesting country. As ordinary Russian person I have knack of getting into trouble. One innocent case was related to the police. Before leaving my man told me: "If a American policeman come to you and say to eat earth you might to do this. Then you can go to a Embassy and challenge that decision. They are not like our police. If you will argue, they could shoot on sight " I was shocked, but when you are in Rome, do as the Romans do. So I took that into account. One day I was walking through housing sector. The American infrastructure is differ from Russian, and it was cognitive to me to watch how peoples live. I tried to go near a road so that nobody's embarrassed. I scrutinized buildings, vegetation etc... Then all of a sudden, from out of nowhere, the policeman has appeared. "Hello! How do you do?" he asked me. And I felt my heart go right through my feet. My mind started racing, what I have did wrong... Got up the courage and replied as carefree as possible "Perfect! And you?". The man was polite and friendly. We had a short talking about anything. And then he said "Take my bike, and we will go on a trip ". I tried to get it is the order or just a proposal. While I am seeking appropriate words, hi made me sit down on the bike and we moved. The "trip" was nice and It turned out he was the very fine man. He told me a lot of interesting things about American lifestyle, customs and habits. After all he sent his colleagues to take me at my hotel. I thank him for the ride. However I will remember my first impression (jitters) for life.

The parable One of these days I have read the parable. It moved me and I decided to share the story. Once upon a time one rich man took his son along on a trip to far corners of the country. The main goal of this journey was to show the boy what it is to live without money. They have spent a few days in the extremely poor family's farm. Upon their return home, the father asked his son if he pleased this trip? - "I liked it", The boy said. -"Did you see how poor people can be?", The man asked.-"Yes!", The answer has followed. -"And have you learned something from this?" - the father again asked. And the boy said: " I've seen that we have one dog and they have four. Our swimming pool is just until the middle of the garden and they river has no end. There are luxurious lanterns around our house and stars light to them at night. Our terrace is up to the forecourt and they can walk as far as the eye can see. We have just a little piece of ground where we live and they have boundless fields. We buy food, they grows a lot of his own. Around us there are hypocrites and bootlickers, around them there are friends." The father of the son stood aghast at the such news. And the boy added: " I understood how we are actually poor." I hope you like this story =))