Be More Realistic! I should be more realistic! I always think that all things will go as I had planned. I can simply say, 'I want it to be this way', 'it seems not good, I don't want it to be that way'. It doesn't make sense at all! I should have realized that I could not determine what will happen in the future. Right now, I'm busy planning about my future. I do not realise that what am I doing right now is only just a dream. I might get hurt.

I Need A Rest Being in this program, Malaysia-Japan Twinning Program had changed me 360 degree. I'm not like the old me that always laughing, do something in peaceful and have enough sleep. I hate the new me. I sleep between 3 a.m to 4 a.m. I go to school with an eye bags, do not concentrate in class, sleep during lecture and my laugh, my sweet smile had gone. Seriously, first time in my life I feel that I really need a rest, although for a few days. I really need time where I can be alone, in peaceful without thinking about my study and my responsibility. I want the old me. I want to sleep in peace. Wake up early in the morning and go to school with a new breathe. Yes, I need rest.

'Heart Problem' I just don't know why it is so hard when we talk about 'heart problem' or maybe I should say it is all about our feeling towards something or someone. For me, it is the most troubling thing to deal with. It hurt me the most when I have to pretend that I'm okay although deep in my heart, I almost give up. And now, I pretend to show that I'm okay when she told me about the upcoming wedding, I smiled, said the most pleased word although my heart already cracked into small pieces!

Awesome! Last two weeks, I went for a leadership camp at Lopo Village, Hulu Klang, Selangor with the others participants. At first, I didn't enjoy that camp but 3 days there made me felt too impressive. Although we had to run, screaming like a nut, eat our lunch under the hot sun but, it just great! Being in that camp made me realized that there were many people outside that don't have the same abilities with us but, we must respect and accept them for who they are. It's just a simple thing; respect others and so they will respect us. I was in Eagle group with 6 members whereas 4 boys and 2 girls include me. Sometimes, I found it's quite difficult to communicate with them as I've never meet them before but sincerely, they were awesome! How can I deny that fact when I had felt in love with them only in 3 days? It's the first time I found people that only smiled when I had made some mistakes, always calm me down when I got angry, and help me when I'm in trouble. During that camp, we had to make our own cap and wore it through the camp. I have to admit that I'm a careless team member as I had lost my cap for 5 times but, I'm lucky that my team members always with me. They smiled and said, " Ain, it's okay. As long we still alive, we will help you". My tears dropped. I just knew them in 3 days but, they were too kind for me. The most hardest part was the last day. I know that, after this we'll never meet again as all of us will be busy with our study but, I really want to say that they were awesome! I’m truly in love with them.

Nonsense My tears fell down. I do not know why this could happen but seriously I can't accept all this things. I don't know why. But, I want to cry. I don't get my feeling. I just don't know. My tears couldn't stop. I've tried but, I can't. I forced myself to stay calm. Just wait and forget all the nonsense thing, but its still the same. My tears roll down. My heart got hurt. I can't breathe like always. Unluckily, I didn't know why this is happen.

Cooperation It had been 2 months I have to lead a group to write a bulletin about our programme and activity for every month. But, for 2 months, we only can write a bulletin. It should be two. This only because cooperation between team members. Although I lead this group but, I can't force them. They will give a lot of reason that make me boring to hear the same for two months. I can't imagine what will be between 3,4 months after. I don't know what will be their reason. I only hope that the team members can cooperate and give our best on this work. It is not an easy work. We need others opinion. I hope that next month will be better. Hope that we can write a good bulletin.

Stupid Thinking Friends are the most significant thing for me. As a student, I have many friends that always make my life full of joy and happiness. I appreciate them a lot. I never hate them. Never feel that they are a burden for me. But, it is different with one of my friends. He is a good boy. He always texting me and ask me to study as he said he want me to success in my life. I love him as a friend. I am close with him although we rarely talk to each other in class. After 5 months I know him, I felt something. I hate him. I don’t know why this thing happened to me. But I can’t stand to see his face even for a second. I keep praying that one day I can accept all his weakness and start to love and appreciate him as my bestfriend but I can’t. I felt happy when he text me. I will keep smiling with his words. He is a humor person. He always tease me when he texting me. I felt happy to have a friend like him. Then, after we finished texting each other suddenly I felt annoying with him. I really don’t get the idea why I feel this stupid thing. The truth that I know, I am happy when texting with him and I hate him when we finished texting each other.

Complaining Yesterday, I went for a meeting with my paper car team to discuss about our project. The meeting was held in our classroom. We started about 2 p.m and finished around 5 p.m. A quite long meeting but it made me thinking about people around me when suddenly I heard one of my team members were complaining about facilities at the college. He said that our classroom must have an air conditioner, television with astro channel, radio and others thing that for me is not necessary. In my point of view, the classroom already perfect as long we can focus on our study. We had 4 fans, and we already have a television although without astro channel. For me, it is already enough for us to have this thing in our classroom. Besides, if the television is provide with astro channel, I’m sure that we don’t have time to watch the television as we are focus on our study. Then, for me it is annoying when he ask for those unnecessary things. But, when I keep thinking about him, I found something that suit with him. ‘People will never satisfy with what they have’. It is a fact. No wonder he can said that impossible things.

It's All My Fault Today, she phoned me. She cried. She said " Ain, please help me. I can't face this situation anymore". She made me cried. She made me felt so worst as I can't help her, the only thing that I can do just give an advice. But, did the advice help her? It didn't help her even a bit. I knew but what else I can do for her? If I can replace her to face that situation, I am willing as she is the best for me. She is the best friend I ever have. She never lied to me. She never talked badly behind me. She is the best listener forever. But, I can't stop to blame myself for what that had happened to her. She had made such a big mistakes in her life. She felt in love with the wrong guy. A guy that never cared about her feeling. A guy who always talk about others woman. A guy who didn't love her even for a second. But, she loved him very much. And they decided to marry, although they only 17 years old. I didn't stop her. I can't as I knew that she loves him. They married on November. The worst day in my life as I knew that guy wouldn't loves her. I cried a lot on that day. I should not let it happened. Only for a year, that guy ask for a divorce. They already have a child. They can't divorce as it will effect the baby boy. Again, I can't do anything. She's gone crazy. She cried all day long. She didn't do anything. Today, she told me that she rather die than to face this situation. She can't face it anymore. That guy want to marry another girl. She cried while said that she want to be happy. She want to achieve all her dream. I didn't say anything. It's all my fault. I should stop that guy from hurting my friend. But, the truth is, I do nothing. She suffered because of the useless guy. She had to face this hard situation. She only 18 years old but she can't be happy like the others teenage. Then, she said to me that she want to forget that guy. She want to take care of her child and continue her study. Again, I say nothing. I didn't phone her. It doesn't mean that I don't love her but, I can't. I can't stop my tears when I heard her voice. I knew she suffered a lot. But, I hope she can hear me. " Friend, although I didn't phone you and ask for your condition, it doesn't mean that I don't loves you. I do loves you so much. I just can't hear your voice. As it show that you had gave up to fight. If I could repeat this again, I do want to stop that guy from hurting you. I do loved you so much, friend".