Fear Can Hold You Prisoner, Hope Can Set You Free So little consequences can i bring to these children, but i never say no to trying. I tried, i failed, and i tried, and i failed......but i don`t want to stop trying. I am still wondering how to communicate with them since i must find a balance between being their teacher and their friend--- Not quite a teacher, not quite a friend. Neither too distant nor too close. Friends who know me well can understand my emotions and smiles. But these children can`t. Sometimes i smile not for the sake of happy moments. They have got terrible problem with pronouncing words and memorizing vocabulary. They are too like babies. They don`t like morning reading at all. Their lips seem to be hard-working, but actually their mind are not working simultaneously. Well, i must admit this indeed gives me a headache. I failed to motivate them. Actually I didn`t know how to. Or even incredible, when they are reading in the classroom, i don`t know where to stand. I just walk around the rows, which must disturb their concentration. Whenever i think of my happy adolescent time with morning reading, i feel pain now. They look like well-behaved children, who are not supposed to do wrong. They look like dilligent children, who are not supposed to do nothing. How come they only scored 20 points average last term? I am so afraid that i can not live up to their expectations. What should i do to make up what they have lost? What sense should i make for their lives? Until now, i have never complained anything to anybody. I simply let it go. But when i am stressful and depressed. I will have nightmares. I think i am a prisoner cuz I am too young to learn how to compromise the reality. The battle between my inner and the outside world turns out to build me a prison. JUST KEEP IT UP.

Fear Can Hold You Prisoner, Hope Can Set You Free Recently it has been said that some prisoners had escaped from prisons. There have been two cases across the country. Shocking. I begin to think about the word "prison" and what it feels like being a prisoner. I watched the movie "Shawshank`s Redemption" this summer and my heart was cheered by the spirit of Andy. This movie tells us a story about a man`s pursuit of freedom and it is worth of watching. A prison with surrounding dark walls is too terrible to bear. For a prisoner, each morning when he wakes up, the first thing he sees is the hard iron gate; and when a day ends, the last thing that he sees is still that cold iron gate. There is no sunrises and sunsets in a prison, only enveloped coldness that can even kill God to death. It`s like you`ve fallen into a dark, deep hole, and the only thing you hear most is your own breath. Some say it is lucky for a prisoner to breath, which indicates that he is still alive. But how can these people imagine what the living poor man is suffering. He is no longer able to follow his heart. Unfulfilled life is intolerable. Living like a walking corpse is more terrible than death itself. That`s why Andy tries every effort to escape the prison. The prison wall cannot stop a man with undying desire of freedom. Here i am not trying to speak ill of a prison as most people do. I know it better than anything that prisons are everywhere, if you get my point. We are always struggling to deal with prisons. Some of us are even building prisons for themselves. So, even though Andyfinally gets "freedom", the rest of his life is still filled with prisons. This is what i want to regard as "Good Grief". Freedom is born out of prisons. We better learn how to break prison and dwell on it as well--- living it and preparing for the escape,and continuing living it and ...... It is such a long road that you will never see the end. As there is no end to it, why not enjoy it as should be?! And if there must be a cause-effect relation, i would say that`s also why i choose to live my present life. It`s been the first time in my life, when i feel i am needed, when i feel i mean something to the world. It does feel better to give than to receive. Though it`s kinda like living in a prison rather than an eventful life, i make myself looking for something new.

i make it 2011-09-14 19:34:59 I am listening to Miranda Lambert`s The House That Built Me and i have pressed the button"Recycle the track" so many times, much more than i could recall when was the 10th time it was kept to be playing. But i do remember why i wanted to play this music. It was because, because......a reason. Of course a reason. I will tell you later on. Plz be a little patient. At some point about two hours ago, i laid down my burden on the floor of KFC-- what a fattttttt.......trunk, where my whole life is filled. I finished my lunch in such a incredibly fast way that makes me able to receive many stunned looks. Never mind. Anyways, im NOT a monster at all. I am a girl who is going on a journey from Guangzhou to Yingde, who will be there working as a substitute teacher, and also who is so much worried about the result of the post-graduate verification. I made two calls after lunch--=one was to a guy who is top in our FLD, the other one to my instructor Mr. Yang. Both of them gave me a good news. GOOD~ Good news about the result of the early admission of post-graduate. The guy told me that i got 94 points,being the first one of the rank , according to which 3-year GPA, extracurriculum performances, face-to-face interview and post-graduate entrance exam are all included. Mr. Yang said I was admitted into academic field and the result was to release this afternoon. Wow, I finally make it. CONGRATES, and THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! Now you see the reason now. The music im playing is one of my favourites. And it is being on for the best time. Perfect match, isn`t ? The House That Built Me . The first time you hear this song, you will feel sorrow mounting inside. It is true that it sounds grievous. No denying. However, you will feel the special peace as well if you have a closer listening. For everyone, the house that built me is gone. No one can turn the reality down. However hard for you to leave it, you must take the farewell and keep good memory. That`s the only thing you can do to get balance when faced CHANGE. Change and the goodbye it causes has no ending, however, with the capability of producing peace and balance in heart, you can end the grief of saying goodbye and walk farther towards your dream, and even let it realized. Believe me, sometimes goodbye is a second chance. Farewell to my undergraduate life and upcoming job hunting. Part of my foot is

Belle Leben Thanks to for-the-God-saken school radio(actuallly im not that grateful), i had to wake up with eyes half closed and half open when the clock pointer is turning from 5:55 to 6:00. The radio is snagging so loud in my ears and i lost the ability to figure out why there appeared Kid`s song in my dream, which has never happeded before i came here. then what`s the next to expect in the looooooong......day hours? u can imagine too. im so easily forget where i am now. Sometimes it`s a lot like i am living in a dream, where i tend to lose my bearings each moment i climb out of my bed. Oh, dear God. Fortunately for us, substitute teachers who will be serving this montainous town for as long as 4 months, today have no work at all. We are free again. What draws everything here the first picture has to be my first diary. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 29/8/2011 Thursday Sunny It is 22:42 already. After taking photos for my new dorm, im finally sitting on my bed. Knees zigzagged, i held my diarybook in both hands. Actually this is somewhat holy, if you agree too, hah...My dormmates are bustling around the dorm, collecting their belongings. I`ve been waiting for today since months ago. Time passed away without my noticing. Its been 10 hours since we aririved at Ying Dong Middle School, the destination where we will be teaching students as substitute teachers. Ok, thats the purposr of this 4-month trip(trip is a fine word as a sign to show my great expectation). Still remembered while i was sitting in the coach from Guangzhou to Ying De, along the way countless mountains with sooooooo......many trees were jumping into my sight just like a movie snap. i couldnt say i loved it, still too early, but i did enjoy it anyway. All Green!!! We were greeted by such a tremendous green trees on the way. Before this trip i would have pictured this under-developing area isolated beautifully from the outside world. However, do not judge a book by its cover. This town is of course not a never-never land. Before our coa

First notebook entry: Introducing myself I love a language. It really makes one feel young.