I have practiced writing a formal e-mail but I am not sure if there is any mistake in grammar or the way I used words or not. Is there any word I used was wrong? Please kindly check it and let me know. Thank you very much ^^
Here the e-mail
<em>To: [email protected]</em>
<em>From: [email protected]</em>
<em>Subject: Recommendation for WCH’s internal communications problems</em>
<em>Dear Sir or Madam,</em>
<em>I am writing with regard to your recommendations for our company’s recent problems. We have perused all your solutions and come up with the following opinions:</em>
<em>First, we all disagreed the method that Heads of Department should send weekly reports to the Board of Directors. This way will lead to bureaucracy and difficulty in dealing with the overloaded or repeated customer’s complaint.</em>
<em>On the other hand, we agreed to hire a new key accounts manager. An internal manager will be helpful in attending to customers individually and managing and supervising data.</em>
<em>Second, the idea that BlackBerry devices are given by all sales reps was not approved. It will cause financial problems and challenges for the Sales Department in handling hundreds or thousands reports per day.</em>
<em>Last, forwarding immediately any complaint to some departments is an excellent suggestion. By this way, the responsible departments can be up-to-date with customer’s concerns and solve as soon as possible.</em>
<em>In conclusion, we agreed some of your recommendations as above pointing-out. If I can offer any further advice or assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me.</em>
<em>Kind regards,</em>
<em>WCH’s Communications Director</em>
It'd be a little bit easier to correct if you wrote it in a notebook entry I think.
I would say these things instead:
We have reviewd your suggested solutions and have made the following decisions:
First, we do not believe that having the Heads of Department send weekly reports to the Board of Directors would be the best method. (Saying that you "disagree" sounds very blunt, almost rude.)
It may lead to bureaucracy and difficulty in dealing with overloaded or repeated customer’s complaint.
Second, the suggestion that BlackBerry devices are to be given by all sales reps was not approved. (This is ok. If you say something is not approved it sounds like you didn't really have control over it so it's not rude.)
Instead of "In conclusion, we agreed some of your recommendations as above pointing-out.", I think you should just thank them for their suggestions.
There were a few other minor grammar mistakes but those were the big things in my opinion.
This should be under the notebook section so people can correct it. Also it is very long, i would put it into two notebook posts. :)
Thank you so much @Jordan. I will change like you said :)
Thank you @Gillian :)) I'll do now
