In China, we do not normally say "please" and "thank you" to people who are close to us, like family and close friends. To do so, can be interpreted as almost insulting.
In the West, parents teach their children that it is very important to say "please" and "thank you", and that a lack of this behaviour is very impolite.
What do you think?
Please and thank you are the two most important words in the world! My children get nothing from me if they ask for something without saying please and thank you. It does not matter how close you are to someone, not minding your Ps and Qs is just rude. As the saying goes " manners cost nothing"!
The situation in the west is similar to in China, Elena Ann. Among family and close friends, people in the west don't tend to use politeness phrases like 'Please' and 'Thank you'. It would be very odd to say 'Please pass the salt' to your husband, wife, brother or sister at the family dining table. It might be misunderstood as sarcastic or impatient, and - as you say - be interpreted as rude. We'd be more likely to use a friendly, casual phrase like 'Pass the salt, will you?' and then respond with a simple 'Thanks.'
As Christina says, parents teach children to say 'Please' and 'Thank you' in order to train them to be polite and respectful in the outside world. This insistence on politeness isn't representative of family behaviour in general, and certainly not among adults.
In Canada, we say sorry more than please and thank you (it's a fairly accurate stereotype). Saying sorry doesn't mean we are sorry, it more like saying "umm", haha.
Please and thank you are important to me, but I think in cultural terms there is a lot of room for variety. In the US and Canada, formality is much less prominent or required than in Britain, or East Asian cultures (especially in language). Perhaps Koreans thing our lack of respect is terrible, but it's normal for us. So it is fair to say reduced use of specific politeness, doesn't really mean a less polite society. Just a different idea of how to express things.
Horst, I am a native English speaker and an American and I agree that things must be different in the UK because unlike Suki I would never "order" anyone to pass me something without saying please and thank you. The way I would say it is...
Would you please pass the salt?
Thank you or Thanks.
Anything else would seem rude to me in American English.
When I was in Spain people would however get angry at me for saying "Gracias" too much, similar apparently to the Chinese as it implied that I thought they were doing something special or that it was an odd thing they did or that they weren't "close" to me.
I guess each culture is different... not just language.
There're no 2 Phrases in the English language more polite than "please"& "Thank you". I spent years on "Decent English", Manner is everything, however, it depends on the culture.
