Let me introduce my house to you.
I live in 강변 [You must give an equivalent of the name in the language you are writing in. You may parenthesized the native script. If it has no value to what you are writing, such as in this case, leave it out and say, "I live in a quiet residential area."] which is a quiet residential area. I live on the 24th floor in of a 25 story apartment building. There are 3 three [spell out the numbers]bed rooms bedrooms, 2 two bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room.
When I [Don't use first person in this sort of writing. You are introducing the place to the reader not yourself.] Upon entering my house, I one [This is more general. Using "you" is also okay] can see a spacious living room. In it the living room, there is a TV, a sofa, a computer, a cabinet, and some paintings on the wall.
On the right, there is my room. . My room It is not that big, so there's and nothing much inside. There is except a small bed, a book shelf, bookshelf and a desk.
Next to my room, there is a kitchen which has a filled with plenty lot of stuff things such as the refrigerator, the sink, the stove and a microwave oven.
Across the kitchen is the master bed room bedroom where my parents sleep. In my parent’s room, I can see there is a bed, a dresser closet, and a desk.
I usually spend time in the living watching TV in the living room. because It has There is a big large window. So I can to enjoy a the nice view of outside. Also I can get enough plenty of sunshine pouring in during the day. So I feel very warm.
Even though my house is a little bit old, it is a very comfortable and cozy place for me.
Nice but I also would like you to indicate your home has a bathroom too. It won't be a home without one!
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Let me introduce my house
I live in 강변 which is a quiet residential area.
I live in Gangbyeon, which is a quiet residential area.
I live on the 24th floor in a 25 story apartment.
I live on the 24th floor of a 25 story apartment building.
There are 3 bed rooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room.
There are 3 bed rooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen, and a living room.
When I enter my house, I can see a spacious living room.
When I walk in my house I can see a spacious living room
(When you first walk into my house there is a spacious living room.)
In the living room, there is a TV, a sofa, a computer, a cabinet, some paintings on the wall
In the living room is a TV, a sofa, a computer, a cabinet, and some paintings on the wall.
On the right, there is my room .
To the right is my room.
My room is not that big, so there's nothing much inside. There is a small bed, a book shelf, and a desk.
My room isn't that big, so there's not much in it; just a small bed, a book shelf, and a desk.
Next to my room, there is a kitchen which has a lot of stuff such as refrigerator, sink, stove and microwave oven.
Next to my room is the kitchen, which has a lot of things in it, such as a refrigerator, sink, stove, and microwave oven.
Across the kitchen is the master bed room where my parents sleep. In my parent’s room, I can see a bed, a dresser closet, and a desk.
Across from the kitchen is the master bedroom, where my parents sleep. In their room is a bed, a closet, and a desk.
I usually spend time in the living watching TV.
because It has a big window. So I can enjoy a nice view of outside. Also I can get enough sunshine during the day. So I feel very warm.
I usually spend my time in the living watching TV. (no because) The living room* has a big window, so I can enjoy the nice view outside; also it lets in plenty of sunshine during the day, so I feel very warm.
*because the last thing mentioned is the TV, you need to specify that you're talking about the living room again.
Even though my house is a little bit old, it is a very comfortable and cozy place for me.
I you were writing this for something official you would probably use Jeff's corrections, but if you're writing it for something casual like a blog or letter to a friend, these corrections are more natural sounding.
