(TO CORRECT) Formal letter for First Exam FCE

Hi everyone, I'll be glad if someone can correct me this letter.
If someone has done the FCE First Exam or is a teacher/examinator, I'll be really happy if he or she can give me the mark like if it was a real exam paper.

Thanks a lot!


Dear Mrs. Jones,
I am writing to you to know something more about your advertisement of the language school.
Firstly I would like to know if it is available a bus service to reach the school from the city.
Secondly, is it possible to know exactly the number of students per class?
I am quite interested in your modern methods, are there some facilities your structure?
Then, if you can send me the dates of your classes, I’ll decide the best period to sign myself up.
Another thing I like about your school is the offer of a wide range of activities: it will be perfect for me to have a list of them, in order to know what kind they are.
Although I live in the city center, I would like to sleep in one of your accommodations on site. What kind are them?
Lastly, does the cost of 180£ include the accommodation too?

I hope you will be able to answer me soon.
Sincerely,
Emanuele Salonico
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Here are my thoughts:
Dear Mrs. Jones,
I am writing to request additional information regarding the advertisement of the language school. First, I would like to know if bus service is available to reach the school from the city. Although, I live in the city, I would prefer to have accommodations on site.

Secondly, is it possible to give me the exact number of students per class? I am quite interested in the modern methods and the structure of the facility.
Finally, I am excited to learn more about the wide range of activities offered at the language school. I would appreciate a list of these activities along with the dates for classes and the cost of living accommodations. With this information, I’ll be in a better position to decide the best time to register for classes.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Emanuele Salonico
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I hope this helps.  It might be a good idea to register with one of the Teacher/Tutors with Italki for further help.  Dr. Priscilla