Beautiful piece of writing!

There are just a few corrections. Don't forget that the pronoun I is always a capital letter. I also suggest to try to shorten your sentences (more fullstops and less commas).

About a trip in my hometown

As the rain fell, I met three girls from The Big Apple on a Monday morning. I was going to show them around Shanghai as a volunteer. We’ve all been all looking forward to this day in spite of the bad weather.

We started from the Bund, which is one of the most remarkable landmarks of SH. The area is located in the center of the city within between highrises and old buildings, in the midst of which flowsed the Huangpu River. Everything looked dim in the heavy rain and perhaps pollution too, but tourists would by no means be stopped. I’ve seen the Bund in all kinds of conditions, sunny or rainy days, lit by sunshine or decorated by building lights. The architecture,s with a combination of both Chinese and Western cultures and both  with modern and traditional styles, would never be out of fashion, I told my guests. We walked along the Bund, taking photos, and enjoying the rare moment when there were only few crowds on this rainy Monday here.

Our next stop was the Yu Garden, which is another well-known scenic spot distinguished by its shopping streets, snack bars and the feeling of an ancient time. We tried the famous Xiaolongbao with crab meat inside and walked around in a delighted mood. Even I, as a local, was attracted by the long zigzag streets covered with dashing wares because to be honest, it’s been years since the last time I visited this place. Along the way we talked about ourselves, our hometowns, and extraordinary experiences we've had in the past. along the way, We walked among a crowds of people from everywhere across the world with the same delighted expression on their faces. Unfortunately it then rained so heavily that we had to end the journey. My guests kindly gave me exquisite gifts, which was such a surprise since I was not aware that I had done something special.

Anyway, it was an enjoyable day which we all appreciated. Something brought us together over through thousands of miles of distance, and may the luck goes with all of us wherever we are.