woodpecker's notebook entry: Nov 28, 2010

A Mess of Pottage

The blockbuster "2012" hit the town last year. This film paints a picture* (see below) of catastrophe with its typical grand scenes and visual effects.   Box office revenue is not the only aspect to reflect the success of this movie.  The wonderful aspect of this is it lets some of us clearly perceive (better: realize) the importance of the environment.  Which reminds me of a story from the Bible which is called A Mess of Pottage, which is about a man who abandoned his birthright just for just a bowl of soup (note: we don't know what 'a mess of pottage' means, it's from ancient language - so its best to explain here.). What I want to say is this: we human beings are doing our best to capture wealth from nature and make sure to make the best of natural resources.  Apparently there is a drawback* (see below), people have desire to make profits without any regulations (or restrictions). This situation is similar to this biblical story (clarity: which story? the one from the bible), we may realize that we are selling our descendants' happiness for a "mess of pottage". If we keep the ball rolling* (see below), day in and day out nature will have its revenge and we will die out from this beautiful blue planet without a trace.
As a saying goes, “Swallows may have gone, but there is a time of return;  willow trees may have fallen, but there is a time of regreening; peach blossoms may have fallen, but they will bloom again". But can a man's life be renewed?  Obviously the answer is no (negative is an adjective). Perhaps some of us are aware of that the circumstances of our environment is going from bad to worse, it's no wonder that our people are finding a way to make profits; a way to desire to change nature; a way to suffer some rare diseases and to take virus; a way to commit suicide. (this sentence is not clear to me - finding a way to suffer from rare diseases?)  Since we still have time (or "still have a chance") to improve our behaviors,  it is never too late to devote our more of our attention to on sustainable development.
Humankind has been able to thrive for thousands of years because nature provides it with resources like topsoil, fish in the oceans and seas, undergroud water, minerals,  oil, and wetlands, but these resources are finite,  like cookies in a jar. (very nice imagery!)    We are using up many of these resources, and some don't have substitutes. (I would say: "some have no substitute", "some are without substitute")

Nowadays,  climate change is a signficant global issue of worldwide concern.  It is both an environmental and developmental issue, and intrinisically a development issue. (this sounds awkward, you already said it's a development issue, and then you say "an instrinsically a development issue" - you need to reword this sentence for it to sound better). The large-scale exploitation and utilization of energy resources is one of the major causes of environmental pollution and climate change.   It is an urgent issue facing all countries.
Carbon dioxide and other gases from for the burning of fossil fuels collect in the atmosphere and act like the glass wall of a greenhouse (one word), trapping heat on the earth's surface. No wonder that global warming is becoming much more serious a too much serious than before as the days go by. Common sense tells us it would be illogical  make no sense (sounds a little unnatural - common sense tells us it makes no sense) to overreact to the prospect of global warming,  but also that it makes no sense to ignore it either.   A prudent policy that stresses conservation and alternate energy sources seems to me (correct grammar, but redundant!) to be wise insurance in an uncertain age.
Water is vital for our survival and for producing food.  It takes much water to produce grain and feed animals, and in an ill-considered irrigation scheme to grow plants in some drought place which often experiences drought. (drought is a condition, a noun - not an adjective).  Besides,  water pollution and human's activities influence on the balance of sea life's food chain and their living habits a lot. (This comma is very very important, if you say "besides water pollution", it means 除了water pollution！）Even Some rare species cannot even find a good place to give birth to their later generations (reproduce is an intransitive verb),  some of them are extinct, it is just the tip of the iceberg (this is a set expression, "the tip of the iceberg").

As for land, lakes and forests are disappearing, because of illegal waste dumping, being used as landfill , etc.
These  The issues that concern us today are: the prevention of the protection of the environment, and the balancing of population and resources. The management of every Everything must be managed so that we will neither exhaust our resources with unbridled growth, nor contaminate the environment.   We should do our best to protect and improve our ecological environment (to me, ecological sounds redundant), so as to ensure that our economic development will not only meet the current needs of this gengeration,but benefit future generations as well.
If there are any bystanders left in the world ?? peolple on the sidelines. (This sentence makes no sense). We are not the only species in this universe so protecting the environment is our obligations.  Obviously, that yelding with??(yelding is not a word)   if it's only me saying that, it may be to some like water off a duck's back, or won't make any sense, but hopefully my words can warn of someone who has the  a sense of crisis. To us, today is tomorrow. (What do you mean "Today is) In order to reproduce excellent offsprings,  we must take effective measures to confront contamination right now, and give our eyeteeth??? (this is not a word...)   do our best to make a harmonious atmosphere for our kids, keep the water clean and sky blue for them.   ("to keep something <adjective>")
On that day, my vision is that we can have a rest and reading with a cup of tea, telling a story to our children of what their ancestors have done for them, and teach them to be content with their lives. We can then claim “Mission accomplished”. (Or, "then, we can claim". It may be more correct to say:  "only then we can claim that the mission is accomplished")

No matter whether 2012 is the end of times or not,  we can not only care for the profits without considering the the nature.  It holds the same reason It's the same principle as with the “mess of pottage”. Although we can not solve this issue immediately, we are working on it !  (don't you want to say, "we should (start) work(ing) on it" ?)

Crystal wu





Overall, your english is very good! I did not correct the english style as much as I focused on the grammar and making the language clear. I think it would also be helpful to review the essay's meaning as well. I think you make some very good points. I do think that the "mess of pottage" theme should be more clearly explained and used a little bit more effectively, because I think it is a really strong analogy and gives your paper a very powerful image and story to help explain your point! Great job so far!

You used some familiar expressions, which, in some cases are used in different ways than we use them:

keep the ball rolling - This is usually used in a positive sense, to keep business running smoothly. But you used it in a negative sense. You can instead use something like "keep the status quo", which is often used in a negative sense (like in politics), but could also be used positively.

paints a picture - usually we use this, "draw" is usually used for something with pencil or pen, with no color. when describing a scene, we usually say it "paints" a picture, perhaps because painting is much more vivid and colorful than just drawing.

drawback - a drawback is when something is positive, but there is something negative about it. that's its drawback. but i didnt see you were talking about anything positive, if something is entirely negative, it's not a drawback - if there is something which is mostly positive, but has some negative, the negative part is the drawback. (不足的地方）