Sure, no problem: -Regardless of educational background and one's personality, society treats men and women differently. (correct) -It is an admitted fact that most social systems give men privilege. (correct) -As an effort to minimize social discrimination toward women, people enacted the new employment act that permits equal opportunities upon the workplace. (Grammatically correct, but awkward. I would change to 'a new employment act was enacted that permits . . .'; 'in the workplace' instead of 'upon the workplace') -Recent research showed that discriminative treatment in workplace has diminished 34%. ('showed' is correct, but 'has shown' sounds better; 'discriminatory' instead of 'discriminative'; 'diminished by' instead of 'diminished') -But just because the percentage decreased, it doesn't mean that sexual discrimination is totally disappeared. ('has decreased' sounds better than 'decreased'; 'has totally disappeared' instead of 'is totally disappeared')

yes sure ....