The day I finished my interview for grad school, I went out and took a 2.5-hour walk around my house because we were in quarantine at that time. I didn't care if it was drizzling or my mouth was dry or the sky was getting dark (I love to listen to songs and walk in the dark actually, so that I can dance at the same time and nobody stares). The air felt different when the finals were finally over, especially the first deep breath after taking a good nap. That night at 2 am, I called one of my high school classmates who happened to choose the same major as mine because I was so anxious while waiting for the result of the interview, I felt like my life would be over if I didn't get in (which wasn’t true, but it just felt like that). I didn't have the heart to call my college roommate because she was waiting for her result, and she might as miserable as I was. As he mentioned the names of our classmates during the call, I was very surprised I had lost so many memories that it felt like I wasn’t there before, the truth is I‘ve only graduated 5 years ago. (Also he said I've changed so much, I look like a different person when dancing, more confident more open. “You would've made more friends back in high school if you were the person you are right now though” he said. I chuckled “I've never changed, my personality has always been the same, it just didn't show when I was younger, and I'm very grateful for the friends I have right now”) Was it supposed to be this way when we grew up?

I'm supposed to give thanks and be nostalgic a little in September, the month I turn 24. But when I randomly tune into one of Taylor’s songs earlier this day, all the memory came back, I knew had to write something down. To be honest, I didn't feel so grown up until I realized that all the casts in movies and series are my age now, that I’m old enough to be nostalgic, and the memory of high school started to fade away, that my parents are getting older and my friends are getting married. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to be healthy and strong and get to follow my passion in the future, because some people might not have the chance to go to school, and the day I'm living right now might be one of the wishes of dying people.

why am I so obsessed with matching colors stuff, lol they’re just so cute to look at every time…and makes me smile too;)

Social media really causing my anxiety… Once I posted something, I can’t help but check on that over and over again, which is absolutely useless and completely wasting of time🤷🏻‍♀️

The interesting thing about being a med student is that: You’ve knowledge so many diseases that the second you feel something wrong with your body, you instinctively goes like AM I GONNA DIE SOON? For example, I feel a bit dizzy rn (extremely actually, feeling weak and tired also) and my brain quickly goes through every possible cancer😂 But then I realized I just put 4 spoons of coffee powder in my milk this morning.

Dance for me it’s an outlet, I feel so much when I listen to some great songs, and my love for it is overflowing, it has to be some containers to carry it, to record it. It’s like writing a diary, I use movement to writing down the things I appreciate, writing down the beats that once taped in my heart, dance and music makes me aware of the beautiful things that created by human and by nature. I feel so lucky to get to know this art form:)

Similarity Huh, never thought that this concept would scare me, but it really did. So it started with so called “existential crisis” (I’ve been having this feeling since the day I realized our humans aren’t immortal, fun fact though, I didn’t know what it called until yesterday, god that takes so damn long) Years ago, the existential crisis makes me wonder how things are the way they are, why is it so ordered like some code that’s already set up. But then the COVID’s coming, as if trying to prove to me that what is like when the world is a total mess. And another things I realize is that, my dad and I are so alike, he chose medicine, I chose it too (different purpose but still 🤷🏻‍♀️) he likes dancing I like it too, also, he’s not talk too much, sometimes I look at him feels like he’s swallowed by his inner thoughts. I started to look around, there’s so much in common that me and my peers have, our thoughts are alike our way of talking are alike, so much so, we almost like the robots in the factory. Am I still me if the same environment builds the same person. Would it be somebody else sitting here saying what she wanna say and still think that these thoughts are coming from “her” brain. Those thoughts eating me up, and I don’t feel like doing anything since I don’t know who I am. If I just a small creature that can be created anytime, what’s the point for me to exist? I keep questioning myself why I am so afraid by this concept, where’s the fear coming from. Then I realized, is the fear of being replacement, I put my valuation into somebody else hands, I’m afraid that I’m not that important for somebody else. Ah, that’s the point where every thing comes clear, all I need to do is to focusing myself, grab the valuation system into my hands.After all, for me, I'm the one who can't be replaced.

Do you guys like Afro beats?