Just want to write. maybe it is not have logic at all. i just want to write it down,write it to myself. how strange i am,i know it. how crazy i am,i also know it. im grew up in a single-parent family, my parents divorce for 6 years. my parents have inverse character. my dad is very gentle and fatherly,my mom is very irritable. my dad is very understand,my mom is very severe. though i have good grades since i go to school and have many certificate of merit,but my mom never thought im good. when i do better,my day always praise,but my mom wont say any. when i do worse,my dad will encourage me and comfort me,but my mom just will beat and scold me. my dad work at company,my mom work at hospital. bacause my dad work's reason,my dad have half a month not at home,just have my mom and me. i said my mom very irritable,so she always beat and scold me and let me kneel,even sometimes dont have any reason. i know my mom love me,maybe just the way not right. my mom ever commit surcide 2 times, once is when im just 9 years old,the second time is last summer. when my parents not divorce,my mom ever want kill me once. of course,that time my dad at home,my mom always angry with my dad and me,most time she angry with us dont have any reason, she will fight with my dad.that time just because she angry with us again,my dad try his best stop my mom hurt me,you know,man shouldnt beat female,so my dad never fight or beat my mom. that time,my mom said,i will kill them first,then i commit surcide. my mom find the knife,and stand in front of me.i even dont know cry and run at that time,just have many tears in my eyes and i look at her. not have any month my mom not beat me or scold me when my parents not divorce.who knows me all know im very love animals.even know animals more important for me than my life.yeah,i really very love animals since im a baby. but nobody know why the animals become so important for me then,just because when my mom angry with us or my mom beat me,just have my pet accompany me.i know them wont leave me. nobody know that im how afraid of my mom,except my dad, im afraid of my mom,even when my parents divorce,i dont want to see my mom and afraid give her a call or answer her phone,this situation keep for 1 year. when my mom get married again,she changed.im also older.so i understand the reason of what she did to me before.im not hate her now