A New Life is Coming Finally, the Spring Festival has past. It was not a easy time for me. I ended an affection with a guy who I will never find someone like T_T , but it is the best decision for him. I let him go because I love him so much. The last thing I would want is for him to get hurt especially because of me. Forturnately, my parents open another door to me. Now I have more choice than before, but the past has passed. So what I can do is just facing to the furture of hope. My only way to have my own life is passing the entrance examination. There is only one and a half month left, so I really need someone to help me with my silly English T_T Who can help me?

Goodbye, Peking University... This is my last day that I sit in this little bar located in our university as a stuent here. I order a bottle of coco alcohol, and a cup of beverage in case of my getting drunk :p. The golden rays of the late sun slante in streams into the window, and I can see a little rainbow separating among the ice cubes. That is so beautiful especially when I gotta leave my school T_T Things always seems much more cheerful when the time for leaving coming... I bought a notebook with the name of our university on ,and tried to write down something to record some memories of this lovely place...and tomorrow I will walk on toward uncertain direction, and I know my heart will give me the unswer.

I was on fire last night :P I was on fire lst night!! haha~~I had a magic dream. I met a dolphin in my dream. Of course both of us are Chinese :) She asked me to give her a name, so I choose "Dolphin", and I told her that Dolphin means "海豚" in English. But she thought the word is too hard to remember, and she wanted another one. I told her that in my opinion she wouldn't like to have a name like "penguin" since she was such a beautiful woman. But the whole story is not the point I want to say. The magic thing is that I never knew the word "dolphin" in my memory, and I just heard about the word penguin twice before but I never tried to remember it. But in my dream I used them!!! The more important part is that when I got up I checked them, and I found my spelling and pronouncation of those two words were right!! haha I hope I can have more dreams like that~~so I can have a rest during day time :)

New Start in New Year Today is New Year's Day. I am staying in a internet bar and my first part of English course today was over just now. It is a good beginning :) There are some things what I want to say goodbye to. Firstly, I don't want to be a lazy worm any more. There are full reasons for me to fight for studying abroad. I believe that I will be regret to the mistake that were made by my didn't do my best. Secondly, I am willing to change myself. Studying dance, practise playing piano more times, working out to have a better body shape :P and having a new hair color and style, travelling to Tibet by riding motorcycle, and speaking fluent English are all the significant plans in my list. Moreover, I want to spend more time accompany my family. And there is another important thing I have to do. I have to forget a relationship though there have never been a real realationship before thus I am the only person involved in all those strong fellings and heartbeats. I am missing the guy so much during these days but I know it is impractical to expect a furture that is made of him and me. I promised to stay as friends, so I will fulfill my words from now on though I did not do it well enough before, and I will control myself to have a good behavor to make sure that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable or being pushed by my improper grassive attitute or action no matter how hard it is , no matter what to do, no matter how much I can not let him go. I was so lucky in the whole 2011 and I do appreciate all the person around me. I have an impressived and wonderful memory of the last year, and there were so many things touching, exciting, happy, memorable, meaningful, and miraculous happened to me. Hope everything goeswell on your way, my friends. And may all your wishes come true :) Happy New Year!

I want to go to Canada I struggled against myself for thousand times, and then I found that there always was a kind of unconquerable hope deep in my mind so I could not stop believing in those little possibilities no matter how hard I try...After all, everything changes every day. I can not forsee the future so I can not structure a perfect future either. That means there is no reason to give up my dream to chase my "perfect future". I wanted to be more brave or just be cool, but I failed on neither of them. I just became so fixated on those things. But soon after, a friend told me that "Wherever you are, your heart is the direction." Yes, he's right. So finally I decide to go to Canada not far in the future no matter for furthure study or by plan B :P. At least I don't want to just stand by and see every thing changes. I want to fight for that at least for once. I beileve I should do my best while leaving the issue to fate, so I don't want to get cold feets for fear of failure or getting hurt. Or else I will regret one day... Ok~~~I am ready :)

Mumble I know something is wrong but I can not give it an end. I know something is impossible but I can not stop believeing in the possibility. I know what I have been done is just hiding from the truth and tricking myself. I know I will lose someone one day but my heart is out of control absolutely. I know I need to be more rational and use reson on that issue. But all I did is just made myslfe got lost in that dream. I want to be a new me to prevent losing it. I want to keep my promise through my whole life. But what if it changes beyond my anticipation? Sometimes I hope I could be awake from the dream. But when I am living in my dream I just can not break it by my own hands. I want something to change but I fear of that as well I know what I want. Those are something I would never have.... Maybe I have to break my dream now so that at least there are beautiful memories still Or else I might have nothing left in the end. Getting hurt or eating my words Which is the better option? I can not persuade myself to choose the second one... Though I know it might be better...for both of us...

My Wonderful Christmas Day I had a wonderful Christmas Day with my friends :) It is not like the holiday for westerners. We played outside with friends in stead of staying with our families. The weather was so nice yesterday. It rarely happens in Sichuan actually~~We considered that as the present from the Santa Claus for us ^_^. We brought many vegetables and many kinds of meat to a reservoir and had a barbecue there. We cut them into small pieces and put them on sticks. At the bigining most of food are burnt with many black substances on ...even the sticks were on fire sometimes. But we clever guys gain experences and did pretty well soon~~haha I am so cocky :P. I really want to say that those were so delicious and we did have a great lunch that noon. I hope I won't have a stomachache today anyway :P.

There are so many funny things when we talk in different languages. There are so many funny things when we talk in different languages.Sometimes we make funny mistakes, sometimes we imagine thea picture when another one descibe it, and sometimes I find the same sentence might sounds romantic for us but common for native speakers. They brought me so many happiness so I want to share with you. One day my friend asked me to tell a bed time story for him, and the one he wanted to liston is "叶公好龙". It is a boring story so I wanted to make it more interesting. So I told him I would tell him that next time when he sleep. But he resisted to hear that, so I have to try. My English is not good, so it is so difficult for me. Then you can imagine that how boring it was because even I could not speak English fluently. But..... any way ,boring things are good for falling asleep as well~~~ The next day before he sleep, I wanted to say "Good night and have a sweet dream" but I wrote the word "sweet" as "sweat"......Oh you can try to understand it just like "I hpe you to keep warm when you sleep" haha~~~ One time he told me that he was very thin and looked like a stick. And there is a scene appear in my mind. When I am walking on the street, a stick sweep past my head top and I look back. I see that he is swinging and smiling with his head and a branch body in front of me...Oh it is just like a ghost film..... Also there are happy things that not so scared. :) One time he said"I am here for you" to me, and I think it is so romatic though maybe common for native speakers. :) It is so interesting :)

I am so happy today Hi~~my dear friends, you an call me Natasha from now on. I feel so happy that I have my English name finaly.:) It was given to me by a friend of mine who are really gentle and understanding. We knew each other on this website so I want to record this wonderful time here. :) I am so lucky :)