I just want to live my own life
The Chinese New Year has come. It’s time for the relatives and friends to get together, it’s also time for parents to talk about their children. They’ll talk about their kids’ studies, career, marriage, ect. If the parents just like to talk about their kids, it’ll be great. However, it seems that many parents like to control their kids’ lives, they wish their kids could live as they thought.
Like my parents wish me could find a job where they live, so we could take care of each other. What’s more, they think the most appropriate job for me is teacher. Since I’m a girl, and this kind of job is stable. However, I am not a kid person, so teaching them is just… Lucky, I’m still a junior, there’re a year and a half till I graduate from college.
I hate people to control my life, and force me what I must do or what I couldn’t do.
I know who I am. I’m not studying at a famous college, I’m not a genius. I know it’s hard to live alone in other city. I know maybe I couldn’t get a good job in the future. But I’ll try my best, ok? I’ll take my own responsibility.
I want to live my own life, so just let me go.
Выбрать из множества учителей по предмету английский...
Исправления · 5
0
Just a few stylistic suggestions. Your essay is very good already.
--------------------------------------
I just want to live my own life
The Chinese New Year has come. It’s time for the relatives and friends to get together, it’s also time for parents to talk about their children. [ This is a good place to start a new paragraph. It makes the punch of the last statement even stronger and it wraps up the topic of this piece. ]
They’ll talk about their kids’ studies, career, marriage, etc. Well, it'd be great if all they wanted was to talk about kids. [You need to emphasize "to talk", because the following statement sets a contrast, showing that parents often end up doing more than just talking. ] However, it seems that many parents like to control their kids’ lives, they want their kids to live as they see fit. ["Wish" is not that strong --- just because parents wish something for their kids does not imply control. In comparison, "want" carries some measure of intent.]
My parents want me to find a job where they live, so we could take care of each other. What’s more, they think the most appropriate profession for me is teaching, ["job" refers to a particular employment; you refer to a set of skills, a career, so I think "profession" is better.] because I’m a girl, and this kind of job is stable. But [Well, there are many ways to connect this sentence to the previous one, and you could experiment a bit with what feels right for you. I just want to mention that "but" is strictly speaking a conjunction, so grammatically speaking it should not start a sentence. However, as long as the writer is aware, grammar rules are mere guidelines ;-) Here, "but" creates a tighter connection to the previous sentence and prepares the contrast of the current one.] I am not a kid person, so teaching them is just…
Luckily, I’m still a junior --- there is still a year and a half till I graduate from college.
I hate it when people try to control my life, and tell me what I must do or what I couldn’t do. I know who I am. I’m not studying at a famous college, I’m not a genius. I know it’s hard to live alone in other city. I know I may not get a good job in the future, but I’ll try my best, ok? I’ll take full responsibility for myself. I want to live my own life. Just let me do so.
--------------------------------------
I just want to live my own life
The Chinese New Year has come. It’s time for the relatives and friends to get together, it’s also time for parents to talk about their children. [ This is a good place to start a new paragraph. It makes the punch of the last statement even stronger and it wraps up the topic of this piece. ]
They’ll talk about their kids’ studies, career, marriage, etc. Well, it'd be great if all they wanted was to talk about kids. [You need to emphasize "to talk", because the following statement sets a contrast, showing that parents often end up doing more than just talking. ] However, it seems that many parents like to control their kids’ lives, they want their kids to live as they see fit. ["Wish" is not that strong --- just because parents wish something for their kids does not imply control. In comparison, "want" carries some measure of intent.]
My parents want me to find a job where they live, so we could take care of each other. What’s more, they think the most appropriate profession for me is teaching, ["job" refers to a particular employment; you refer to a set of skills, a career, so I think "profession" is better.] because I’m a girl, and this kind of job is stable. But [Well, there are many ways to connect this sentence to the previous one, and you could experiment a bit with what feels right for you. I just want to mention that "but" is strictly speaking a conjunction, so grammatically speaking it should not start a sentence. However, as long as the writer is aware, grammar rules are mere guidelines ;-) Here, "but" creates a tighter connection to the previous sentence and prepares the contrast of the current one.] I am not a kid person, so teaching them is just…
Luckily, I’m still a junior --- there is still a year and a half till I graduate from college.
I hate it when people try to control my life, and tell me what I must do or what I couldn’t do. I know who I am. I’m not studying at a famous college, I’m not a genius. I know it’s hard to live alone in other city. I know I may not get a good job in the future, but I’ll try my best, ok? I’ll take full responsibility for myself. I want to live my own life. Just let me do so.
0
とても素晴らしい考え方だと思います。
自分の人生の責任は自分しかとることができません。
また、きちんと人並みの生活することは大切ですが、夢を追うことができるのは若いうちしかできない場合が多いです。まだ若いのですから、やりたいことを全力で頑張ってみたいという気持ちはとても素晴らしいと感じました。
頑張ってください。
難しい日本語になってしまってごめんなさい。
Вы хотите продвигаться быстрее?
Присоединяйтесь к этому обучающему сообществу и попробуйте выполнить бесплатные упражнения!
Не упустите возможность выучить язык, не выходя из дома. Ознакомьтесь с подборкой опытных преподавателей и запишитесь на свой первый урок прямо сейчас!
Начните учиться сегодня
