My English is poor due to my preconceptions of Western culture and sense of inferiority.
When I was little, English was my favourite course among all the courses in School. At that time, speaking with fluent English was fancy and always enviable by others. Unfortunately, l can could only learn English in the school. I don't didn't have the speaking environment for me to improve my English at home.
After I went to high school, everyone is prepares for their exams in order to get into a good college. So at that time, I don't didn't have much time to read English books besides english those in school. At the same time, I found that English is was a huge obstacle for me , I couldn't understand the BBC, CNN or WSJ. I felt lost and trytried to ignore English and continue to while pretendedpretending that I am my English was good. at English with smarty pant's smartness.
After six years, I am at in college at a top tier university. I am still bad in English, but at the time I have completely given up on English. I always schedule myself liketo read English news everyday, but there are a lot of new words for me and so I need 10-15 minutes to read a whole article (Finance). People always says that learning English needs takes persistence, which obviously I didn't don't have.
Recently, I have failed athad many unsuccessful job interviews. I think the biggest problem was my English level. I can't fully express my thoughts confidently with English because of lack of practice. If you are a Westerner, you have really have no idea how important is English is in Asia. In many occasions, people always judge you by your English proficiency but not your ability. I decided to put all my efforts in order to into improve improving my English proficiency into a native level.
I am thinking now, why do I avoid English? Is this because of my sense of inferiority? To be honest, I always mental subconsciously hints remind myself that I don't like white guys or that I don't like Western culture. Now I know this is a sense of inferiority and embrace the Western culture and English, and leave my preconceptions behinds.
It taketook almost 30 minutes to write this down and to commemorate the first step I made after 20 years ago of learning English by mistake.
Thank you for your timetaking time to read this.